Female Bullies
Understanding the Mean Girl
Evil is unspectacular and always human and shares our bed and eats at our own table. ~ W.H. Auden, Herman Melville
Randy made my life a living hell. She was a few years older than me and possessed the beauty of a pre-teen Snow White, with her alabaster skin and lustrous black hair. I, on the other hand, was a nerd, a frumpy outcast with an extensive history of childhood trauma. Trapped against the concrete wall where kids played handball during school recess, she’d poke her sharp nail into my chest and mutter threats. With her angelic face contorted into a demonic visage she mirrored all the loathing and contempt I felt towards myself. That my family was the designated crazies in the building where we both resided, made me an easy mark. Randy affirmed for me that as much as there was no safety to be found at home, I would not find it in the outside world either.
Although violence is not a domain monopolized by men and the aptitude for violence and abusive behavior in women is a stark reality, it receives little recognition from the social sciences. When it does, it is viewed as exceptional behavior.
Despite this point of view, in my professional life as a trauma therapist, I’ve encountered countless stories of folks, who like myself were victimized by female bullies. Often these tormentors are…
