For Me, The Pandemic Was a Blessing in Disguise
Discovering Passion and Purpose During my Pandemic Depression
The Stay-at-Home and Social Distancing
The past 16 months have been difficult, to say the least. At the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic, I struggled with depression while working from home alone in my San Francisco apartment. I adhered to the stay-at-home and social distancing orders, knowing that these pandemic response efforts would ultimately save millions of people from serious illness or succumbing to death from the coronavirus.
But like many others, I struggled with the lack of human connection and physical face-to-face contact with others during the pandemic. As someone who regularly grapples with depression and anxiety, my tendency to socially isolate became more pronounced without having access to regularly planned recreational activities and social gatherings with friends and loved ones. Additionally, being deprived of positive human touch because of stay-at-home and social distancing orders made it even more difficult to perform daily activities and resulted in a depressed mood.
That ‘Life is Too Short’ Feeling
Many of us lost loved ones because of COVID-19. It was difficult for people to see family members and friends suffer from coronavirus infections from afar. On top of that, there was a persistent worry about our own health as well as the health of those we cared about, which uncovered the fragile nature of life itself.
For most of my life up to this point, I was thoroughly invested in pursuing the “American Dream”. I followed along and let society set my goals.
Get a high-paying job.
Pad your 401K.
Retire early.
Coast until you die.
I spent my career focused on pursuing jobs that compensated me well financially. In my head, I was convinced that the paycheck was enough to justify not needing to find meaning in my daily work. I told myself that although my career did not involve the kind of work I was passionate about, it would allow me the time and financial resources to do things I enjoyed when not working. So rather than have a career of passion, I settled with having the ability to spend my free time volunteering with organizations that shared my passions.
However, the pandemic changed everything. It no longer felt enough to find purpose on my days off. Life was too short to just continue churning away. Building up my bank account was no longer such a motivating factor. I felt adrift in my work life and needed direction.
Finding Passion and Purpose
For the past three years, I have worked at a global technology firm as a marketing data analyst. It involved extremely engaging and challenging work which I appreciated and enjoyed. But at the same time, the workload and the office environment were quite anxiety-provoking and oftentimes depleted my mental capacity, resulting in needing lots of time to recharge.
Before that role, I was enrolled in a doctoral program in clinical psychology, going through my own mid-life crisis and pining for that revered Ph.D. degree. Unfortunately, due to financial concerns and difficult life events, I dropped out of that program and returned to my career in the tech industry, this time in data analytics. I had been comfortable with tech in the past and felt like I could become comfortable going back to tech again. It paid well and leveraged the skills and capabilities I had acquired over the many years I had accumulated in IT and software engineering.
However, after working as a data analyst for a few months, I noticed that I missed having those deeper personal connections that I formed in graduate school. Also, I found myself yearning to find more substantial meaning in my work. Throughout the pandemic, these feelings continued to grow, and I soon discovered I was not the only one feeling lost in their career.
In fact, many people found themselves rediscovering their passions over the past year, often unrelated to what they did at work. I knew that I did not find much gratification in my day-to-day duties, but I continued working, justifying my decision based on the money I was bringing in. Still, as the pandemic wore on, my depression and anxiety worsened. It became so debilitating that I took a much-needed extended break last year to focus on my mental and emotional needs.
Then 2021 rolled around. When it came time to begin searching for a new data analyst role, the prospect of returning to work filled me with dread. During this time, social news feeds were full of updates from friends and family about their own struggles with mental health because of the coronavirus pandemic and its effect on work-life balance. Soon, it became obvious that I was not alone in the search for a greater purpose and having an answer to the meaning of life.
Was The Pandemic A Blessing in Disguise?
Sometimes, it can take an unforeseen, dramatic event to make a drastic, life-altering change. For me, the coronavirus pandemic was that event. While the pandemic and the response efforts triggered in me a lengthy and difficult period of depression and anxiety, the aftereffects will likely be exceedingly more positive and longer-lasting.
Not only did the pandemic and the response efforts allow me time to rediscover my passions, but it also forced me to take time for myself, to reset, and reevaluate what was really important to me. My passion is mental health counseling and my purpose is to help others recover from their struggles with mental well-being.
By freeing myself of the shackles of less purpose-driven goals, the dream that I had all but given up on was again possible and achievable.
With the help of my own therapist during the pandemic, I found a path to return to school and pursue a counseling degree. To be honest, I do not think I would have been able to make this decision or transition so quickly otherwise.
By re-evaluating my priorities, the goals of accumulating wealth and achieving “doctor” status were no longer important to me. By freeing myself of the shackles of less purpose-driven goals, the dream that I had all but given up on was again possible and achievable. To me, the coronavirus pandemic was a blessing in disguise and I am grateful that I have had the resources to have overcome the obstacles along the way.
For the past year, I have served as a peer support specialist at a long-term mental health rehabilitation center in Oakland, California. I have also just successfully completed my first quarter in a mental health counseling graduate program, scheduled to graduate in Spring 2023.
