From Frenetic Escapism to Quiet Comfort

How long term recovery from complex trauma shifts chaos into calm

Photo by Caleb George on Unsplash

Much of my early adulthood was frantically occupied with activities, a way of being many survivors of complex trauma choose as a sure fire way to deflect from pervasive pain. Similarly, although afflicted by countless attachment injuries, my insatiable and desperate need for human comfort resulted in excessive socializing. Of course, many of these ventures reflected my curiosity and the vitality of youth, but it was my insatiable needs as a single woman born into an abusive family that fueled compulsivity.

Although assuming the persona of a gregarious ‘people person’ was a stark juxtaposition against a childhood devoid of safe social interaction, like many of the complex trauma survivors I have provided treatment to for over three decades, I was desperate to latch onto whatever could offer soothing connection. I was on a mission to make up for lost time and somehow secure hope by desperately attaching to anything and anyone that could still the constant emotional pain I was in.

Likewise, staying chronically busy and focused on tasks assisted with suppressing and sidestepping emotions. This strategy offered the illusion of coping, but in reality, I grappled with periodic annihilation panic, a state recognized by…