Germaphobia Has Prepared Me For This Pandemic
I can’t stop washing my hands
I thought it went away.
The compulsive handwashing that is.
But I guess it’s back. I’ve started washing my hands too much, and I can’t bear to touch anything anymore.
My partner pointed it out last night. He asked me if I was becoming germaphobic again — like when I was younger. I had been wondering the same thing myself. It’s sad to see this anxiety resurfacing; I thought I was past this hurdle.
The pandemic has triggered feelings of anxiety that are all too familiar.
It was bad enough as a kid
When I was younger, I spent hours washing my hands every day — hand sanitizer, rubbing alcohol, whatever to clean my hands. I couldn’t stop cleaning my hands. It gave me so much comfort, and I finally felt in control.
It was generally understood by everyone I had a problem. I would get mad at other people if I felt like they didn’t wash their hands as often. It made my stomach turn to even think of people not washing their hands.
I compulsively washed my hands for at least a decade — I just couldn’t stop. My hands would crack and bleed. I had to coat them in vaseline and wear gloves because my hands were…
