Get Real
Saying that you’re a realistic person is like saying you’re a good driver. My guess is that you’d be hard pressed to find someone who outwardly admits they aren’t realistic. We have different versions of reality and tend to believe pretty well that our own version is the truth. It’s the same way that everyone else on the road is a moron and you’re the only one driving properly.
Our opinions of what’s realistic are created by past events and likelihoods, which are often strong enough to dictate not only how we see the future but how we see ourselves. This is normal, but it’s also problematic. And for those of you who pride yourselves on having a grounded — bordering on bleak — sense of reality, I hate to tell you, but you probably have your head in the clouds more than these other fools you see prancing around you. Let’s talk about it.
I think it’s fair to say that, on the whole, those considered to be romanticists are happier, or at least freer, than those considered to be realists. Their beliefs tend to be rooted in meaningful, dreamlike fantasies coming true. Realists might argue that this is a contrived happiness, however, and are therefore perfectly fulfilled in living a life with less hope. But at the end of the day, you’re probably more likely to find a romanticist with a smile on their face than a realist.
I don’t think the buck stops there, though. There are at least two elements that are being overlooked here that just might stand to not only redefine what it means to be realistic, but to bridge the gap between realists and romanticists.
The first thing to pay attention to is expectation. Expectation is one of the biggest hindrances we all face, but it’s also one of the least avoidable. Expectation is so incredibly natural, and it is birthed through the aforementioned events of the past. The more years we spend on the earth and the more patterns we see, the less we expect to get surprised. Hell, we create expectations faster than that, though. What about how angry you get when your car won’t start? Or when your computer freezes? Or when your brand new refrigerator needs to get repaired? We can develop huge expectations around these sorts of gadgets within minutes or even seconds after marveling at how great they were when we first got them.
Expectation happens, but the less hope you allow for, the more expectation you have. In other words, the more you feel you have a good understanding of things and how they realistically should be, the poorer of a response you’ll have when they don’t unfold as expected. So, do realists not unexpectedly put themselves at risk for more disappointment by not being prepared for things to occur in a surprising and unexpected manner?
And what a beautiful segue if I do say so myself into the second element — the essential element — which is the consideration of how frequently and powerfully the unexpected does happen. How strange it is that when planning our lives, we calculate everything around the best odds. Yet, when reflecting on our lives, we comment on how many of the defining moments happened by chance. The smallest, tiniest mixups can lead to the most drastic changes in our lives, for better or worse. Yet because they aren’t predictable, many self-proclaimed realists disregard them the same way that romanticists may turn a blind eye to that which is normal and expected, however uninspiring it may be.
What’s the bottom line? Look, we all want to be considered as realistic people, and the fact is that reality is not as drab as it often seems. Reality requires touches of romanticism, because we all know that things beyond our wildest dreams and our wildest nightmares do happen. They may not be as frequent, but that can often make them that much more life-altering and therefore that much more important to be mindful of. If you really want to consider yourself as a realistic person, you have to make room for, and get comfortable submitting to the unknown.
It’s not hard to do this, either. You can take any mundane task and yourself, “How can this kill me?” or, “How can this make me the happiest person in the world?” and chances are the circumstances that you visualize panning out aren’t that wild. Going for a swim? You might trip on your way in and either drown or get resuscitated by the hottest lifeguard you’ve ever seen — your future spouse. Going to a restaurant in LA? You might choke to death or meet your favorite celebrity. Going to a baseball game? You might catch a flyball in your glove, or if it’s hit just a fraction of a second earlier, you might catch it in your eye. Take a second to reflect on everything in your life that has happened purely by chance — things that you wouldn’t have guessed at in a million years — and think about just how easily they occurred. Not to mention all the countless tiny things that lead up to those moments that, based on reality, you would’ve anticipated would lead to something else. So we’re not only failing to acknowledge the unexpected, but our actions are fueling them every second of every day. Your interpretation of reality is twisted if it doesn’t allow for beautiful and horrible unexpected things.
