How Discovering Narcissism Set My Life on Fire
I lost family, friends, and hope but discovered beauty in pain.
One year ago, I lived blissfully unaware of narcissistic personality disorder or how deeply it impacted my life. But through working with a depth therapist, eager reading, and detailed reflection, I discovered narcissistic abuse from my brother, father, and ex-boyfriend. Initially, I sought therapy because I was burning out at work and couldn’t understand why I felt persistently lonely, even in an intentional community.
Life would grow much worse as I fell to pieces before beginning the process of finding myself. Hadn’t I done everything right?
At 26 years old, a keen psychologist likely would identify me as a “high-functioning insecure person”; I seemed the picture of success even to myself. My finances were in great shape: debt-free, huge savings account, and a six-figure salary. My manager had offered me a promotion, and coworkers loved my work. Externally, I seemed charming, athletic, intelligent, and successful.
But as my anxiety grew unbearable, I took an open-ended sabbatical to explore Jungian shadow work. It was a process I knew little about but seemed the only promising approach for what I felt. I needed to get the pain out.
