How to Do Halloween With a Child Who Has Experienced Trauma
Consider taking Halloween off
For many children, Halloween is an exciting and fun time of year. For children who have experienced trauma, it may look a little different. Images and decorations portraying death or blood can be frightening for children who may have been physically harmed, seen someone be seriously injured, or in some other way had their life threatened.
On top of this, not being able to identify safe people because their appearance has been altered for the holiday can be panic-inducing. This can make the holiday tricky, and not in a fun way. Preparing for this time of year and managing expectations is key to ensure that your child’s mental health is protected. As a licensed social worker and parent, preparing for Halloween is something I’m dealing with personally.
Manage expectations
Managing your own expectations for this holiday, as well as your child’s is key to ensuring that high expectations do not add to the stress of the day. As the parent, you may need to let go of, if only temporarily, hopes that you have for celebrating and enjoying traditions that you had as a child. Allow yourself to grieve this loss and plan for ways to celebrate in ways that are healthy for your child.
Some celebrations may need to be scaled down to accommodate for emotional meltdowns, or eliminated completely. Maintaining flexibility is key, don’t be afraid to change plans if a situation becomes too overwhelming for your child. Strive for an authoritative parenting style that balances limit setting as well as high amounts of nurture.
Talk about it beforehand
Talk to your child about what they hope to do on Halloween. Ask them what they need and what they may be afraid of. If this isn’t the first Halloween since the traumatic event, talk about the successes and challenges of last year’s celebrations. During this conversation validate your child’s feelings, both the exciting and the uncomfortable ones. Reiterate that you are there to be with them through the ups and downs of this experience.
If you are having a hard time discussing difficult topics with your child, consider getting the help of a mental health professional to guide the discussion. The American Psychological Association (APA) offers some helpful suggestions as well, including telling children the truth and sharing your own feelings.
Limit exposure to triggering media
During this time of the year, it is important to pay extra attention to the media that your child encounters. Decide what movies or television shows are off-limits due to images and themes that may be disturbing to your child. According to Tamara Hill at Psych Central, Halloween may be triggering based on portraying weapons, law enforcement, death, and blood. Just as importantly, find positive imagery to celebrate and build new traditions.
Advocate for limitations on costumes at school
I have been surprised by bloody or scary costumes in school celebrations over the years and have winced at how these may be experienced by children who I see in my therapy practice. Many schools have some standard of what costumes are acceptable, but it may be worth advocating for even more restrictions. Fake blood and gore, masks, play weapons, and portrayals of death can be anxiety-producing and are not necessary for a school activity. When parents speak up, they can be powerful advocates in making this day fun and safe for all children at the school.
Being your child’s advocate in the school system can be overwhelming if you have never done it before. There are many ways to get started — according to Dr. Harold Koplewicz of The Child Mind Institute, which include communicating with children and asking questions and maximizing parent-teaching conference time.
Consider taking Halloween off
If the trauma your child experienced was recent or if any of your child’s triggers send them completely out of their ability to cope, it may be wise to consider taking the holiday off. You may decide to keep your child home from school and other activities to celebrate together, or not even celebrate at all.
Celebrating a holiday like Halloween can come with some trepidation, anxiety, panic, or confusion for children who have experienced trauma. It is key to consult with your child’s mental health team to make sure that you approach the celebrations in a healthy manner that contributes to the healing and growth of your child.
