I Feel Uncomfortable Re-Entering the Fitness Space
One eating disorder later
*This article discusses eating disorders and weight loss in detail, and could be potentially triggering. If you or someone you know are struggling with an eating disorder, visit BEAT or speak to a trained professional.*
When friends scroll too far on my Instagram, they come across the photos of then. They often gasp, asking if that’s really me. Maybe they’ll say a joke or tease the incessant hashtags — #summergirl. Maybe they’ll frown or look slightly uncomfortable. They never really say what they’re thinking, what we’re all thinking. Instead, it’ll be something like, “Wow, you look really different!”
I do. I’m likely twenty-five kilograms heavier. I have to guess, as I haven’t owned a weigh scale in over five years. If I get weighed for a doctor’s appointment, I ask them not to share the number with me.
In that situation, it depends on how close I am to the person. I’ll either laugh it off and say I used to be really into exercise. You know, I’ll pretend to be that girl. Miss I just really like running and this body is an accidental outcome of that. Or I’ll be honest, and say I was really sick…
