Neurodivergence
I Love My ADHD Side But Hate The Autistic One
I know that people usually have it the other way around
I didn’t know I was autistic or had ADHD until adulthood. Then I was diagnosed with both at once. I went for the assessment for autism and got two diagnoses for the price of one.
The autism I kind of expected, even if I debated with myself for years if I can be really autistic, or if I’m just making it all up. Ironically, It didn’t occur to me that I could have ADHD — but when I got the diagnosis, I thought “Huh. Of course. That totally makes sense.”
I accepted my ADHD side immediately. I still haven’t found my peace with the autistic side. I have a problem identifying with it because of my internalized ableism and outdated stereotypes of what autism looks like that still somehow live in my unconscious mind. I have autistic imposter syndrome. I’m having trouble accepting autism as a part of my identity.
The ADHD side wants to live to the fullest… and the autistic side is holding her back
For me, the ADHD side represents my ideal self — adventurous, bold, friendly, outgoing. She is the person I want to be. She longs to live the life I yearn for: having adventures…
