If, Only You Lived in Our World-ADHD
I was in my 30’s when, I took my oldest Son for some test. As, I sat and listened to the questions, his answers were contrary to mine. We had walked in there, seeking elucidations, to some of his behavior. As, the questions continued, they began to resemble steps. The clarification I sought for him, I moved further away. Simultaneously, I began to see a small light, after each question or step, the light.
Step after step, the questions offered illuminations, to answers for difficulties and problems, I had locked away long ago. I must confess, I was not sure, I wanted the key. At the same time, the question continued, which meant I was walking closer to that door. I do not remember for sure, if the Dr. put things together, from my questions, or I just opened up. Either way, that day I learned about, ADHD.
I was tested, also had to show, evidence about my childhood, including school. The skinny is, all of the things, I felt made me unique, the world had defined as a disorder. So, I began to learn about, “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.” I began to feel conflicted, on different parts of what, many of these, “Professionals” were claiming. I also, have Chronic Pain. And, to understand Chronic Conditions, you have to have them. No, matter what any, “Expert or Authorities,” may proclaim.
Yet, I can at least consider, some “Specialists or Professionals,” have studied ADHD and may understand, without firsthand knowledge. But, I do give more weight to, those who have ADHD and are Specialists and Experts. As, time continues, I hope to be able and share what I have faced, in my life. From 1967 to 1979, I attended Parochial school for, 7 yrs. then Public schools for, the other 5. I faced everyday with, undiagnosed ADHD.
I met each day with, dread. You see I stuttered until I was 19. I tested high on different test, but my daily work, was poor. So, I began each year with, “he is lazy,” “he needs to settle down and focus,” “he cannot be still, he makes noise etc.” I could go on and on. I was put into coat closets, tape on my mouth, hit and slapped, again I could go on. Now to be clear, 2nd and 3rd grade I had retired public school teachers, do all those things and more. So, it was not only Nuns, I want to be fair.
I felt from almost the start, I would not win. I am sure, I was assigned to the Teacher who lost the coin toss. It has taken, a long time for me to, let go of those memories. The child inside, still carries the scars. For the man that, shares these words, he thanks the child, for not giving up. The man knows, he owes that child a debt. At first, I thought I could not win, the challenges grew, the child changed, not all for the best. But, he did not break or quit, for God’s Grace came into his heart, so I still owe the child inside of me a debt.