I’m a perfectionist, you’re a perfectionist…is everybody?

Photo by Jonathan Hoxmark on Unsplash

I started this project being annoyed by so many people saying: “I’m a perfectionist.” Ironically, I consider myself a perfectionist, too. But I’m not necessarily the same as the others using the term. So I wondered: How can all these people call themselves perfectionists, yet be so different from me?

I found research that enlightened me as to how complex this topic of perfectionism actually is and how much more there is to it than just wanting things to be flawless.

Perfectionism: The best bad habit…

I don’t know whether other people had the same experience, but my husband and I (having gone to different schools) both have memories of school job training. This consisted of mock interviews with the task to convey one strength and one weakness to each other, so we would be prepared if we were confronted with this in real life. An overwhelming amount of teenagers stated: “I consider my perfectionism to be a weakness.” To which the teacher weirdly consented. As if to say: Yes, perfectionism is a valid weakness. We accept perfectionism as a weakness, because in the end, we don’t really care how you feel. If you have an inner demon inside of you that forces you to deliver outstanding work, we will welcome it with open arms.

If you think about perfectionism in a classical sense, in the sense of “I need to produce something that is perfect. And I will overachieve, because of it”, then I have to tell you something uncomfortable and confusing: The majority of perfectionists do not work like this at all. It is not a linear approach to a task and then the ability to complete that task without fail. It is more so the thoughts you have accompanying you while working towards completion and how they affect your ability to even complete the task to begin with.

Multidimensional Perfectionism

I want to introduce you to a term that will help you understand the complexity of perfectionism. It is called Multidimensional Perfectionism. In a research paper called “Multidimensional Perfectionism And DSM-5 Personality Traits” by Joachim Stoeber, it is explained that overall we have to split perfectionism into four different types:

1. Self-Oriented Perfectionism (SOP)
2. Socially Prescribed Perfectionism (SPP)
3. Other-Oriented Perfectionism (OPP)
4. Rigid Perfectionism (RP)

These are typical statements related to each type:

1. “I demand nothing less than perfection of myself”
2. “People expect nothing less than perfection from me”
3. “If I ask someone to do something, I expect it to be done flawlessly”
4. “Everything needs to be flawless, including my own and others’ performance.”

It should already become clear, that they are necessary distinctions to be made in order to correctly relay the type of struggle the specific individual is faced with. It should also become apparent that the differences portrayed here can have intense implications on how people go about their life corresponding with the type of perfectionism they struggle with.

My table of perfectionism

In trying to visualise these differences and similarities I created a table of Perfectionism. It is comprised of the traits I could find that are being named in the relation to the specific types of perfectionism. I made an effort to show from where I took which piece of information, which is why this table is rather colourful.

Table of Perfectionist Types and Correlating Traits Part 1

Using visualisation as a tool to help me understand was more surprising than I thought it would be. A study published in 2017 titled Perfectionism erodes social self-esteem and generates depressive symptoms: Studying mother-daughter dyads using a daily diary design with longitudinal follow-up showed that there are many things people with perfectionism do and think about that are so very much related to the way they were brought up and their relationship between themselves and their primary care takers.

Table of Perfectionist Types and Correlating Traits Part 2

There is real suffering to be found between the lines of this chart and I hope it translates, because it is so vital to understand that:

1. Being a perfectionist might sound cool to some. But it is most likely not.
2. Perfectionism is not a character trait. It is a coping mechanism.
3. There is a vast difference between liking things to be perfect and neat and perfectionism as a psychological issue.

Wondering what type you are?

Let me phrase some questions for the specific types and maybe that will shed some light on where you find yourself or not:

1. Do you think that…

…you have exceedingly high personal standards?
…you strive for perfection and think that that’s important?
…you are highly critical of yourself if you fail to meet your own expectations?

If you’re answering yes, then you might be type SOP.

2. Do you think that …

…being perfect is important to others?
…others expect you to be perfect?
…others will be highly critical of you, when you fail to meet their expectations?

If you’re answering yes, then you might be type SPP.

3. Do you think that…

…it is important for others to strive for perfection and be perfect?
…you are highly critical of others if they fail to meet your expectations?
…you are perpetually in conflict with others?

If you’re answering yes, you might be type OOP.

4. Do you think that…

…everything needs to be flawless, perfect and without errors, including your own and others’ performance?
…imperfection in general irritates you or makes you impulsively angry?

If you’re answering yes, you might be type RP.

Rigid Perfectionism and OCD/OCPD — Marketing illness

Concerning rigid perfectionism, research published in the Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine suggests a strong association with Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder (OCD) or Obsessive-Compulsive-Personality-Disorder (OCPD) and this type of perfectionism. It also has a rather significant conceptual overlap with the type SOP. It can also be found in people suffering from Eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorders or chronic fatigue syndrome.

Rigid perfectionism is basically what many people use as a guideline as to what constitutes perfectionism in general. Also in themselves. It is often an uneducated assessment. They take apart what it means to be a rigid perfectionist, or to suffer from OCD or OCPD, and cherrypick and soften only the habits that are useful to functioning as an adult. For example:

“The ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ star Khloe was recently slammed by fans after she published another article in her “Khlo-C-D” series, which provides readers with space-saving organization tips.”

This is how you market perfectionism as something desirable. It is not how people actually suffering from this deal with life. In addition to that it creates a difficult environment for those actually having to deal with these challenges. It takes away the seriousness and the gravity of the illness, while simultaneously making it harder for those speaking out in truth about their issues to be taken seriously. Even for other celebrities, as you can see here in this tweet by Riverdale actress Lili Reinhart, it is hard to be open:

A tweet by Riverdale ActressLili Reinhart

Well…perfect…I guess

In conclusion, perfectionism is a multi-layered topic. Perfectionists are multi-layered people and it does nobody any good to downplay the impact this creates and to try to spin it into a positive or to produce a non-beneficial, ambiguous idea of what it means to have a mind work with parameters like these. I find it a morally and ethically dubious strategy to superficially promote a mental illness and attach monetary value to that campaign. Let me be clear, I don’t mean educating people and having the effort put into that financially valued. I mean NOT educating people, but still attaching the label to it, just to make it more marketable to a specific type of person (i.e. “For all of my perfectionists out there…”). As for me…I am still a perfectionist, no matter how different other people are from me or how I deal with it. It took me a long time to write this piece, to think about it, to not post it. Because I thought, it needed to be perfect. It might not be and I am okay with that. At least I try to be. Same as my fellow perfectionists mostly only trying to do their best.