I’m Losing My Mind to the COVID-19 Fear and How I Plan to Stop It
It feels like it doesn’t take much to scare the shit out me these days. Me, the one who laughs my way through haunted houses, plays Resident Evil in the dark, and subjects my wife to scary movies. Give me 10 minutes of the news from anywhere else other than Fox News and I practically lose all control of my bowels.
The boogie man is COVID-19 and it dominates every single headline I read. I’ve binged story after story about otherwise healthy people dying or getting sick beyond what they could’ve imagined. I can’t help myself. I click on all these articles and read them like a kid in a candy store. Yet, I don’t end up with an upset stomach and a sugar rush but instead a gut full of fear and desire to hide. I’m reminded about how little control I have. I dwell on how to protect myself.
And then the gentle voice of my wife speaks into my fear, “Are you reading about it again? Do you need to be reading that?” Ashamed, I say “No” only to be sucked back-in 10 minutes later when she leaves the room.
It’s time for this to stop.
A week into quarantine-mode and I’m losing my mind to the fear of COVID-19. I know my anxiety is here to protect me. It prepares me for any danger that comes my way. However, I have to fight back urges to yell “Get the hell out of my way” at the strangers 50 feet ahead of me as I walk to the grocery store. Yet, that could also be my sick sense of humor — I can’t always tell. Either way, my fear is on overdrive and it’s taking all of my energy and time. I’m exhausted and can’t do this for another month, let alone week.
Fear is a consuming emotion. Its intent is to protect. Left unchecked, it’ll have you shut down, turn your house into Fort Knox, and throw rocks at children passing by. No, wait that last one is normal for me. But really, fear causes you to look inward and forget about others. It becomes survival of the fittest, kill or be killed.
However, for me, the main problem of fear is that I stop living out of my true values. This might surprise some, but I want to be a kind and caring person. Even towards the loud neighbor kids that throw tantrums in my front lawn. Fear gets in the way. It puts me in my own head and causes me to forget who I am.
“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” — Judy Bloom
Will I let my fear define my values? Will you let it define your values?
To move past my fear, I have devised a plan. A plan to live out of my core values and to look outside of myself. I know that by focusing on others, I won’t think about my fear as often and will reap the rewards of being helpful. If your values are similar to mine — a desire to bring something good to the world, a desire to help, a need to show others love and compassion— then keep reading.
GIVING SPACE FOR FEAR
The first part of my plan is that I’m actually going to give myself some time to read the news. I know if I make a rule to not read the news, I’ll break it. I give it an hour and I’ll be scrolling through the news feeds with the shakes — don’t judge me. Instead, I’m giving myself a set time of about 30 minutes a day to read the news. I can stay up to date on what’s happening in my country, yell at the politicians, and stress some more. Once the 30 minutes are up, the phone goes down. My thoughts will be redirected.
I’m doing this because feeling emotions is important. If you ignore the more difficult ones like fear, they get worse. They build up and become uncontrollable. Instead, if you give yourself set times to feel them, you can still give them a voice without having them dominate your whole day.
FOCUSING ON OTHERS
Second, I am shifting my focus to how I can help others. Staying quarantined is a big help to those who are vulnerable. I know if I’m not catching or spreading COVID-19, I’m helping the hospitals and my community.
Past that, I’m looking for ways to give to others. Some of my friends have other medical and job-related issues going on, so I’m checking in with them. My wife and I are trying to drop off food where possible. I’ve also started to look into charities that are helping with COVID-19 right now. Charity Navigator has a list of charities that are helping the community. Finally, my wife and I are actually ordering out more. This might sound silly, but it actually helps the community. Restaurants and their staff are strapped due to shut-downs. If I can order take-out and leave a sizeable tip, I feel like I’m helping those who are struggling right now.
I realize that all these ideas cost money. Some of you might not be in a spot where you can donate financially. Here are other ideas that I came up with that are meaningful regardless of the cost. If you know someone in the high-risk population, offer to go to the grocery store for them. Right now, buying food is like a treasure hunt that takes hours. Who knew I’d be rejoicing at the sight of canned black beans? By shopping for someone else, you could quite literally be saving their life.
Another idea is being intentional about staying connected with those you care about. Have a Skype happy hour or coffee date. Talk about your friend’s struggles and get your mind off of your own for a bit.
I’m still brainstorming other ideas on how to be supportive, so please feel free to message me with yours. I’d love to hear how people are helping. Hearing about the positive side of humanity is another way to not be consumed by my fear.
The point is, focusing on others gets me to think about something other than my fear. If I tell myself that I can’t think about my fear, I’ll need to replace it with something else. Otherwise, the fear comes back and consumes me. Rather I focus on other’s needs to ensure I am staying true to who I am.
The Coronavirus scare will pass. Regardless of what happens to me, I don’t want my fear to define me. I don’t want to die surrounded by rolls of toilet paper that I’ve stocked up on. Whether it’s now or later, I want to die knowing that I changed this world and made it a better place. I won’t let fear take that away from me. It’s time that I do something different.
