I’m Not Scared of Death, But I Can’t Stop Asking This One Question

Jonathon Larson’s “Tick Tick Boom” has left me wondering

Kelly Eden | Essayist | Writing Coach
Published in
9 min readApr 11, 2022

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Photo By AntonioDiaz @ Adobe Stock Images

I assumed the throbbing pain and loud clicking in my shoulder was a simple injury from a fall, but the physio suspects some underlying condition and insists I head straight to the emergency department.

First though, I head home. I let my husband know, grab a notebook, reassure the kids, make sure the cats are fed, and drive myself to the hospital.

As I search for a carpark, the final scenes of a movie I watched last night with my oldest girls run through my head.

As musical lovers, we decided to watch Tick Tick Boom. It tells the story of writer Jonathan Larson, and his struggles to produce a well-received musical.

Larson was 35 years old when he died. 8 years younger than I am today. Since watching the movie, I can’t seem to let go of a question it brought back up for me.

It’s a question I’ve asked myself many times since being diagnosed with an immune disorder 15 years ago:

If I die today, have I done enough with my life?

Like many artists and writers, Jonathan Larson died before witnessing the impact his life had on the world.

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Kelly Eden | Essayist | Writing Coach
Kelly Eden | Essayist | Writing Coach

Written by Kelly Eden | Essayist | Writing Coach

New Zealand-based essayist | @ Business Insider, Mamamia, Oh Reader, Thought Catalog, ScaryMommy and more. Say hi at https://becauseyouwrite.substack.com/

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