Inappropriate Affect from the Inside Out
I’m not trying to smile at your anger, I swear.
The leitmotif of my life has been people telling me “Andrew, you’re too serious.”
I’ve been hearing that one since I was about eight, and it’s nonsense. Over the years, I’ve gleaned that what people really mean when they say this is: You don’t smile as much as I feel that you should.
Part of this is cultural — Americans aren’t strong believers in self-restraint, and that includes how we express ourselves. But it’s mainly in the blood, in the common pulse of all of humanity. As a species, we look at faces to figure out how to react, and we’re confused when those faces don’t change.
So my lack of socially approved expression is a problem for a lot of people, but it doesn’t mean I’m never happy. It just means that I don’t show it by smiling. Exuberant displays of emotion just don’t come naturally to me like they do to other people. Unless I’m putting on a show for an audience, I don’t express myself like that.
It’s funny, though — there is one time when I can’t help but smile. It’s not when I’m happy. It’s when I’m afraid.
It’s not just any old fear that will trigger this, though. Basic primal fear of the type one feels when being chased won’t set it off, nor will the fear…
