Is Your Fitness Watch Helping or Hurting Your Mental Health?
The thing about movement tracking devices we don’t hear enough of.
The second installment in a mental health series on eating disorders, anxiety and OCD.
Movement trackers are all the rage these days. People can hit their “stand goal” or “move goal”, you can track your performance during a workout in new ways and so much more. In theory, it’s an ingenious concept and design. One aspect that is seldom talked about, though, is how these devices can be detrimental to someone with an invisible illness.
It’s 10:13 pm on Tuesday night. I should be asleep, but instead I’m quietly pacing my bedroom floor trying to complete the same number of steps I did yesterday. Until the steps on my fitness tracker reach the same number I had yesterday, I cannot sleep; I cannot sit; I cannot stop moving. My own mind won’t let me. My brain is operating in OCD and eating disorder mode; I am not rational right now.
It’s 1:15 pm on a Wednesday and I’m going out in the peak of summer heat for my second run of the day. I don’t have the energy and I don’t have the strength to do it, but I do not have the ability to handle the anxiety that comes from not doing it. My mind forces me to go, my brain is operating out of fear and eating disorder mode; I am not rational right now.
It’s 4:10 am on a Thursday morning. I should be asleep still, but I am quietly pacing my bedroom floor. You get the point, don’t you? When you have a mental illness, such as OCD and an eating disorder (accompanied by excessive exercise), having information like numbers and amounts can fuel the fire that burns a tortured mind: You have to do “x” this many times and your watch must reflect it. You have to move “x” amount to offset what you ate. You need the data. You need the numbers to work. A fitness tracking watch or band will open the door to that library of information, but be careful. You may find that you’re locked in unable to escape.
Don’t get me wrong, for some people fitness tracking devices are life changers in a positive way. They motivate people in a manner that works for them and helps them understand how and when they are improving. This article is for those of us who may not benefit from having one. Those of us who think differently and see differently. For those of us who are eating table scraps while their mind is fixated on making the number of steps go higher, the move goal hit a new record and keeping the anxiety that threatens us at bay.
Before you hop on the fitness tracking train, consider how you might respond to it. Would you be able to handle knowing the information it provides? Personally, I am not able to right now. It’s not good for me to have those numbers and calculations floating in my brain, so I choose not to buy one. Perhaps it would not be a problem for you, but I encourage you to seriously think about it.
Maybe you already have one, in which case I suggest considering whether or not to continue using it. Some people have suffered lower self-esteem when they have a fitness tracking device. They feel they don’t do enough or aren’t as good as their co-worker who has better numbers than they do. Have you noticed yourself thinking that way? If so, in a case like this, it’s a good thing to quit while you’re ahead.
It is truly a terrible thing to be trapped in your own mind. To be threatened by a voice in your head. To be scared of your own anxious feelings. To not understand why you cannot let go. To strive for every second of control you can find because you can’t even control yourself.
