It Takes Mere Seconds To Acknowledge Someone’s Existence

As we know, people with mental illness have benefited in many ways from having access to the internet and social media. It has helped them not to feel so isolated, and allowed them to connect with others who can relate. Especially when their own family and friends are of little, to no, help.

On the other hand it has created even more triggers for people with mental illnesses.

They might think — If no one likes my post, what does that mean? What if I only get one like, what does that mean?

Does it confirm their thoughts and feelings that they’re all alone in the world and no one cares about them? What if they comment on something and no one acknowledges it, and the original poster likes everyone else’s comments and not theirs? Maybe they are as worthless as they think they are?

If I had a nickel for every time I have gone back and deleted a comment or post, due to no one appearing to care about it, I’d be rich. It’s not just me either. As a culture we’ve come to depend on likes, comments and shares. We all have, to some degree. But then imagine someone who already obsesses about every word said to them by others, and has to analyze what it “really” means. And depending on their mood, it may or may not confirm to them that they are worthless.

And lord help you if you ever get brave enough to post about your feelings on social media. Not just speaking, in general, about a diagnosis, but when you are distraught and really need support, and your way of reaching out happens to be on Facebook. What happens when no one seems to notice?

On Facebook, when I post a picture of my kid or something funny she or another family member has said, I might get 20 to 40 likes, and at least a few comments.

But if, two minutes later, I post about my anxiety or depression getting worse or that I’m not doing very well, I might get a few likes and a few comments, from the same 3 to 5 people, who always comment. (Thank god for them. Some of which I’ve never met in real life.)

I totally get that people don’t know what to say so they pretend not to see it. But pretending not to see those posts, when people post them, on Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, or any social media site, feels the same as being invisible. You’re in pain, you’re alone in your own head and you take the risk of putting a very vulnerable part of yourself out there, even if it’s just one sentence.

Never underestimate what a “(((hugs)))” or “i’m sorry you’re having a hard time” or “I don’t know what to say but I care” does for someone who is in pain and feels alone. Just that small thing lets them know that you see them. Your small gesture may be the very thing that gives them a little bit of hope, and makes them feel like, maybe, they can continue to fight this illness.

Most people are not aware of the seriousness of some people’s posts. And how could you? None of us are mind readers, and unless you know someone, and their illness, really well, there’s no way for you to know. But remember, that when someone is suicidal, it’s not that they are alone, with no family or friends who love them. It’s that they FEEL utterly alone. Many times feeling abandon and hopeless. That’s the key thing for someone who wants to die — They feel there is no hope. They cannot imagine there being any chance of improvement to their current situation/feelings.

I understand that even with all the constant talk, in the media, lately, about removing the stigma around mental illness, nothing has really changed. I think it’s different for the younger generation, and thank god for that. But for Gen X’ers, and Baby Boomers, it’s still a hard sell. We were raised on the idea that someone was either crazy or lazy. And there were no kids with ADHD or depression, anxiety, etc. There were just well behaved kids and trouble makers. It’s hard for some to believe that we all live on a continuum, and some of us have a harder time dealing with day to day life than some others do.

Some of us have to deal with battling the voices in our heads. Some of us can’t stop obsessing about every little thing long enough to live our life. Some of us are proud of ourselves for getting out of bed in the morning and brushing our teeth.

It’s easier to see people as lazy, crazy, simple or weird. But as long as we define people by those terms we won’t be able to relate to them. And it’s easier to distance ourselves from people living with mental illnesses as long as we see them as so unlike ourselves, or anyone we know or love.

I just want to encourage you to slow down when you’re scrolling past someone’s posts, or tweets. Instead of rolling your eyes or looking away, maybe you could, at least, leave a quick comment or emoji to let them know they’re not invisible. That you see them and you acknowledge their pain. I just timed myself, and it took 11 seconds for me to like a post and comment that I hope they feel better. Think about it.