I’ve Had Depression Since I Was 10
Reflecting on life with my old invisible friend
I’ve had this condition for a long time. I am 33 at the time of writing this. That’s 23 years of depression. 2 decades. 276 months. 1196 weeks. 8395 days. Trust me, I’ve heard everything.
“Have you tried not being depressed?”
“You don’t look depressed. Are you sure?”
“Drink some water. It will help.”
“There are people in the world who have it worse.”
“I knew someone with depression once. Are you guys friends?”
“I’m sorry.”
It’s interesting because only the last one bothered me. Why are people sorry? I have lived this way for so long. This is normal to me. Would you apologise to someone who is an only child? Someone who only has sisters and no brothers? Probably not. That is their reality. This is my reality.
For as long as I can remember, depression has always been there. Some children have a teddy bear they grow attached to. Other children have a security blanket they can’t be without. It comfortably wraps around them keeping them safe and warm. I had a numbing dark cloud over me. It enveloped me in despair, nothingness and fear.
Looking at the world as only a child could, I thought that everyone felt this way. I did not realise why my mood was so low and that it was the reason that I was always tired…
