Let’s Talk About An Under-diagnosed Symptom of ADHD: Hyper-Focusing
No ADHD diagnosis is the same, but sometimes the symptoms are opposite to what you’d imagine, particularly in women
Growing up, I was a classic nerd. Whilst waiting for the bus to leave after school, I opted for blasting through my homework rather than hanging out with people my age. When I picked up a new teenage-fiction book, I would become almost fixated on finishing it, reading in the school library during break-time or staying up to the early hours of the morning. This borderline obsession with completing something I had set my sight on, I would later learn is a form of ‘hyper-focusing’, and a controversial, less-recognised symptom of ADHD.
Both my parents are doctors, and later in life, my mother had said she had always through there was something different about me. Whilst your ‘classic’ Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) child might be the social butterfly, who struggles to concentrate in school or gain good grades, I was not. I was a classic teacher’s pet throughout primary and secondary school, but a perpetual loner who didn't bring home a single friend between the ages of 10–16 years old.
It wasn’t until the age of 16 that things began to change. I had moved to a new 6th form school, determined to continue the pattern of academic success. But like all 16-year-old girls, my body and mind had started to go through hormonal changes, and I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Suddenly my ability to ‘blast’ through course material had started to waver. From being a straight-A student, I started to receive Ds in my final exams. For someone who has sailed by on an ability to just get the work done, this was a terrifying, angry and confusing time. I started to question myself and my social situation — because if I didn't have my grades then what was the point? All accumulated, until one day I ran home in tears and said to my mum, “Help me, I think I’m schizophrenic.”
She reassured me that I was not schizophrenic, just not motivated enough anymore to focus on my studies. It was then that she invited me to meet with an ADHD specialist.
The ADHD diagnosis
It seems to be an unfortunate reality, that many women with ADHD only receive their diagnosis once they have reached a tipping point. Growing up I was always accused of being ‘ODD’ by my parents — meaning Oppositional Defiance Disorder and something also linked with ADHD. Whilst I will to this day ascertain that it was a symptom of being a strong independent woman from birth, it also meant that I would have never have accepted any sort of external diagnosis until I was faced with no other choice.
Today, my mother says she knew I had ADHD from birth, but it was a reality I had to face alone if I was to ever be able to accept, face and harness later life.
I was diagnosed with adult ADD at the age of 17. ADD is like the quiet little brother to ADHD, which can sometimes go unnoticed because the symptoms may be less obvious. But none-the-less a terrifying and confusing diagnosis at the time, and one that many who receive it can interpret as something being ‘wrong’ with them.
Unlike what I hear in the Americas, ADHD is not a common diagnosis in the UK. Even more uncommon is the early diagnosis in young girls and women. Whilst we typically picture an ADHD child as the one that bounces around the room, throwing paper planes and generally disrupting the class, in females, it can often be the opposite.
Whilst men are often fidgety and on-the-go (hyperactive), females have a tendency to exhibit the inattentive symptoms of ADHD — finding it hard to focus, stay organised and generally spending their time day-dreaming out the window of class. Ultimately, this doesn’t disrupt anyone’s learning but their own, and so they remain unidentified.
I was once told that it’s not laziness that stops the ADHD person from doing a task, but the fear of starting and not knowing where the journey will take you.
But like men, they can ultimately feel overwhelmed as a result of this lack of control over their own lives — perhaps withdrawing to an activity they know they can achieve & control. For me, this was reading a book alone in the library, becoming more and more distressed at the looks of confusion from the other girls.
This stress can eventually build-up, and combined with the common expectation of young women having their shit together at all times, it can often manifest in explosive ways. The diagnosis tipping point if you will, and the moment you find yourself Googling ‘symptoms of schizophrenia’ out of desperation.
ADHD the superpower
I mentioned ‘hyper focusing’ early — a term that I learnt from the book Scattered Minds by Gabor Maté. The idea of being able to fixate on one activity, only to eventually stop and realise that 5 hours have passed, is not a feature you’d typically associate with attention-deficit disorder. In fact, the most commonly associated symptom of ADHD is the inability to focus at length on the task at hand.
But hyper-focusing is the other side to this coin; an uncommon trait that can emerge when an ADHD individual finds an activity they are personally motivated to complete — such as a good book. It can be to their detriment, with many hyper-focusing on a computer game for 12 hours straight and shirking important tasks. But it can also be used positively — a superpower to harnessed for good if you will.
Learning to restrain the ability to hyper-focus was one of the most important things I have achieved. At almost all of my workplaces, I have been recognised for the speed at which I work — something that is only possible if I apply this superpower. I can knock out a semi-descent blog article (at the pre-editing stage) in 30 minutes if I put my mind to it. The only limitation is my own motivation to do so, which is something I struggle with on an almost daily basis.
I was once told that it’s not laziness that stops the ADHD person from doing a task, but the fear of starting and not knowing where the journey will take you. This idea was hugely helpful for overcoming the barriers to my motivation. Now at times, I can allow myself to go on ‘ADHD autopilot’, picking up the hoover, letting my hyper-focusing take over, and finally cleaning the house.
Hyper-focusing is one of so many characteristics of the ADHD person, which is still relatively unrecognised. For me, seeing ADHD as my superpower and something that some of the most successful people have been diagnosed with, was the most helpful thing in overcoming the barriers I was facing.
Whilst I can determine it as one of the root causes of many struggles in my life, it has also allowed me to look (and laugh) at myself. Thanks to my ADHD habits and ability to hyper-focus on an activity, I have dabbled in countless skills, only to eventually get bored and move on to my next whim. (This non-exhaustive list includes: Japanese, guitar, horse-riding, nail art, cake decorating, calligraphy, scuba-diving, polymer-clay jewellery making and knitting.) I am probably not the only ADHD person who calls themselves jack-of-all-trades, with a cupboard filled with dusty, hobby-related items that never got to be used to their full potential.
Looking at my female relatives, there is a pattern of ‘strong independent women’ who share these traits like me. But I should reinforce that nothing that I have written here is characteristic or applicable to all ADHD people, but just an account what I have experienced and read about whilst on my journey for self-understanding.
If you have ADHD, I would highly recommend the book Scattered Minds by Gabor Maté, who emphasises from the very start that no ADHD diagnosis is the same. When I read it, Dr Maté talks about symptoms that I had no idea were associated with ADHD but reflected my own experiences in life perfectly.
Even if you don’t have ADHD, this book might resonate with you, and exemplify that no-one is completely ‘normal’, as well as help identify those around you that might be suffering in silence.
