Life With a Narcissist Is a Case of Cleithrophobia
How to get in and out of a mental entrapment
Self-help books like to give the advice that no matter what situation you find yourself in, you should ‘always be yourself’. If you live in a narcissist-controlled environment, and were to take the advice offered in those books, you’d simply end up crushed into pieces.
The ‘be yourself’ advice may work outside of pathological, dangerously ill situations, but if you’re trapped with a narcissist, you better be equipped with the best mental ammunition you could possibly think of.
In order to apply such advice, you need to assume that — on some level — you’re dealing with an ordinary human being. But if you’re dealing with a person that does not adhere to any rules, then you should change your tactics.
People have learned the art of deceit, not only to take advantage of someone else but also to protect themselves. If you had met an SS-Officer in 1943 in the middle of the night, would you have told him that you’re a Jew trying to escape Nazi-Germany? Or would you have lied to him, and told him some crazy made-up story in order to save yourself from almost certain death?
