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Look for the Discrepancies
An open letter to my grown children
Before you open the enclosed letter, please note that it describes something called alienation. This is a common abuse tactic, often employed by disgruntled parents, one against the other. Here’s a good article about it.
But in my case, my mother used it as well — joining forces with Ex Number One to pit my own children against me. And the results have been devastating — for me, my children, the basic structure of my family.
I haven’t said any of this before, to anybody. Not even to my therapist. But the muse just won’t shut up, so I guess it needs to be said. This letter contains information that has been begging to see the light of day for a long time — my side of the story. I hope my children run across it someday.
Dear Children,
To begin this letter, let me tell you that I know you must have heard some pretty wild stories about me, your mother. And you’ve heard them, very likely from your father and grandmother, from the time you were infants. Since early grade school, you have all avoided me like the spotted purple plague, and we were never allowed to form anything approaching a normal mother/child relationship. The few times I dared try, somebody got hurt. So now, except for the inconvenient fact that I gave birth to you, nursed you, and kissed your owies better, we’re strangers to each other.
Do you remember, back in high school, when one of you took the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery, for the benefit of the people reading over your shoulder. It’s the military equivalent of the SATs)? You scored in the 99th percentile. Do you happen to remember how I found out about it? From a neighbor who ran up to me and exclaimed, “You must be so proud!” My reaction must have convinced her that I really was the idiot you described to her, because I had no clue what she was talking about.
Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about that test. There must have been a million tiny details that went into taking it. First, somebody would have had to tell you it existed and urged you to look into it. Then you would have made an appointment to sit for it. And who paid the application fees? If you did, how long did it take to save up? You must have spent hours…
