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Losing My Stepfather Showed Me The Community We Sacrificed For Boundaries
Stop putting yourself first
Like many others, I’ve spent recent years working on my boundaries, or rather my perceived lack of them. To put it simply, I’m a chronic people pleaser with an overwhelming fear of abandonment and low self-worth — yes, I’m a hit at parties, of course. I’ve spent years going above and beyond to try and keep people in my life, as well as resorting to self-sabotage, manipulation, and changing my identity.
I thought I needed boundaries to fix this. I thought the answer lay in not contorting myself to fit other people’s view of me, not dropping everything at a moment’s notice, and generally just putting myself first. I believed it would not only make me happier, but ultimately make me a better, more authentic friend.
I’m not the only one who felt this way, as a simple Google search will highlight all the tips and tricks for setting boundaries, why we need them, how to handle people who push your boundaries, and so much more. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, it’s like the elephant in the room we can’t stop talking and thinking about.
I was led to believe that boundaries were a good thing, and that anyone who didn’t like them had been profiting off your lack of them. This isn’t completely untrue, but…
