Mental disorders for dummies
You see, it is quite easy to describe a mental disorder. It is a loop. Simple as that. I wrote three chapters that will clarify what mental disorder is.
Chapter 1: Here’s Johnny
Our lower brain complex (reptilian brain) plays the role of the system protector, a bodyguard if you want. Let’s call it, or him Johnny the lizard. Why Johnny? Well, when it triggers inside me I like to say, “Here’s Johnny.”, as an homage to the famous Jack Nicholson role in The Shining. I like to make fun of my illness.
Johnny the lizard controls two systems
- Survival of the unit — breathing, drinking, eating, physical safety, mental safety.
- Survival of the species — having sex.
Johnny works great. Most of the time.
But with us, mentally disordered, he activates with no apparent reason. And sometimes with a reason. Mentally disordered, untreated, with time may loose the ability to distinguish the two.
Here’s how our little lizard works.
Triggered by (non)existent threat, memory or something deeper below our conscious threshold, our little lizard Johnny hijacks the system.
Example:
He presses on the brakes when immediate traffic situation calls for it — a truck in front of you suddenly brakes.
He remains in control until the reason for the trigger diminishes. The hijacking can happen instantly and violently like a tsunami(danger) or slowly, like a tide(hunger). Imagine, a little lizard brain now controls the homo sapiens. Imagine your IQ at that time.
So, where is the loop? Why the loop?
Imagine that Johny is called to many times. Or imagine that Johnny at least once felt there is “nobody at home”, meaning, we totally lost control because of the overwhelming input of violence or fear. Well, that’s when Johnny feels comfortable being in power and what is worse, staying in power. He becomes a dictator. To stay in power he convinces us that there is a reason for that. Can he convince us? Sure. Dictators do that when they grab the power AND don’t trust the government anymore.
Johnny then sends us thoughts that endorse his staying in power. These thoughts are usually frightening or worrying and thus calling for Johnny to remain alert. Alert meaning in control of the system.
And there’s your loop. Johnny is governing the system because there is an alert created by himself. Depression loop. Anxiety loop. Flashbacks.
Chapter 2: The great dictator
All the psychiatrists in the world are on the job finding a way to snap you out of it. And that is the tough part. It is not easy at all.
It is not a question of knowing about the loop. We just cannot reason with the lizard. He hasn’t got any. You see. His world is black or white. Fight or flee, have sex or don’t, eat or don’t. Lizards don’t think, they act. And that is what Johnny is trying to do. If you don’t let him, he gets pissed.
How strong is Johnny? Let’s test him:
Stop breathing and order your lizard not to interfere…45 seconds later….
You see? Observed your thoughts? Did you notice how they changed from whatever to “this is just a stupid article not worthy of me suffocating.”. Now we know who wins the pissing contest. Oh yes, try not to pee, too. See, what I mean?
The crawling bastard always wins. Johnny has the power to control your mind. If you are disordered, that means Johnny has lost his faith in you governing the system. He acts like a child or a dictator (remember, low IQ lizard). YOU have to convince him that there is no need for him behind the wheel. But he doesn’t trust you anymore. Talking to him will only piss him off. He cannot understand words or thoughts. He is a lizard. Black or white, remember? You cannot think your way out of it. He controls your thoughts! Once in full power, the dictator controls the media(thoughts) and the police(system control). You cannot reach him anymore in his fortress. You cannot negotiate your way in.
When in control he also directs our thoughts through the tunnel. The stronger he is, the fewer lanes the tunnel has. Remember holding your breath a minute ago? Being in the tunnel can be very uncomfortable, which is the point. Dangers and starving to death shouldn’t be comfortable otherwise we would die. And that tunnel is supposed to lead us to the relieving of the uncomfortableness. Nothing else matters. Being in the tunnel occasionally is healthy. Being in the tunnel most of the time is a disorder.
Every coup has its dictator. What Johnny does when he takes over is a coup. You see?
The dictator
The coup.
Staying in the loop.
He floods you with convincing thoughts that there is an immediate danger to the system. That frightens you. And, as a consequence, he is being constantly needed. Loop!
So, there has to be another way.
Chapter 3: Ways out
Way one.
The chemistry approach.
The psychiatrist will try to sedate the lizard by giving you sedatives or anxiolytics. Once Johnny is half asleep, the tunnel vision expands and you can try to go on with your life.
The psychiatrist will also try to trick your lizard by removing his control over your thoughts, that’s antipsychotics.
Another way is to relieve you of shocks of going up and down, or into the tunnel and out of it. That’s what mood stabilizers do. The amplitudes are not that high anymore.
Way two.
Learning to tame the lizard.
It is like training a dog. But a dog with issues. Have you watched the Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan? You may learn a lot. I am not kidding.
You see, if there was an easy way out of the loop without medication and I knew it, I would make billions of dollars. But it is just too complicated because for every unique human being there is a unique Johnny. You have to know him. And work slowly. Day by day. Giving Johnny tiny bits of love and affections. Slowly gaining his trust. It takes patience and grit. You do that by taking Johny to calm places(meditation), to places where he is surrounded with loving people(friends, therapists, partner) and their healthy Johnnys or giving him cues that lead to a healthy state of being. But the main obstacle is trust. He doesn’t trust you anymore and sometimes wild dogs bite.
My way.
I developed a relationship with Johnny. I learned to love him. For he is like a guard dog. He tries to save my life and sometimes in the course of the battle I get bitten. That was not his intention. I forgive him.
So. I keep practicing with him.
Yes, I kid a lot. I say “here’s Johnny” a lot, too. Every anxious thought, every depressive persuasion, every chill down my spine.
But the way out of the tunnel is LOVE. I crave that feeling when in distress. Because when you love you cannot feel fear. And vice versa. Try it. I dare you to try it. No one can. And that is the cure. LOVE. Love not fear. Fear not love. It is that simple, a way out of the loop. I said simple, not easy.
I love Johnny. I take medication. I meditate. Johnny is my friend now. He doesn’t torture me like he did before. We are friends. How?
I taught him to trust me for I will not endanger myself/him and he is going to be alright.
But one day we shall go our separate ways. The day I die. Johnny will die with the body he protects. I will go to Another world. I just didn’t tell him yet. He is too afraid. I will calm him down completely. I will make him rest. And then. I will die at peace with my body and my trustful Johnny. When my time comes.
Love your Johnny.
Easter egg 1
Depression
Antidepressants are more complicated and work in many ways. Or don’t work at all. They have to be suited to the person. Depression can induce anxiety and vice versa. Depression is when you close the doors of the tunnel and Johnny cannot see anymore. Then he reacts unpredictably. Sometimes it gets so painful for him that he instructs you to kill him. He can be very convincing. The trouble is he dies and you don’t.
(Spoiler: Christianity alert). You cannot die. Your soul is eternal. Your soul will drag you out of your body when the body dies. Suicide is gambling with your eternity. Yet, I will NEVER condemn or judge a person who tried suicide or has been successful in it. I know the pain. It is UNBEARABLE. I will address suicide in my following posts. The pain can be relieved. Trust me, I have been there.
Easter egg 2
Johnny the dictator.
There is a small country. It has a government. Small, beautiful country, constantly attacked from the outside. The government is meek. The danger is present. The army takes over led by general Johnny. The coup. The army defends the country. Once victorious, general Johnny doesn’t trust the government anymore and believes the enemy might come back. So he stays in power. But it is exhausting for the people. High taxes. Curfews. Bad nutrition. No fun. People get depressed and ask him to leave. He then, not trusting anybody anymore, takes control of the media and the internet and starts to sell stories how the enemy outside is just waiting for the opportunity to strike and that without him everybody dies. People get scared and vote for him in the next election. So he gains full control. Everybody is anxious and depressed. The music dies. The art dies.
The coup.
The loop.
Snap out of it. Seek help. Sedate Johnny. Let him rest. He is a frightened child in a body of a grownup. Allow him to rest. Love him.
There is no way around.
Love him.
