Misophonia Versus NPR
Why do some sounds soothe while others irk?
Like many, I am both addicted to and repulsed by the news. For me, this extends to the reporters’ voices as well, particularly on NPR. I can’t help playing name-that-newscaster, identifying reporters within a few seconds. I also can’t help reaching for the skip button on the NPR One app when I hear certain announcers. Some of them just have voices made for magazines– voices I suspect many people would find irksome. Other times my aversion seems like it might be mine alone– a hang-up I need to get over.
Perhaps because my eyes don’t work well (I am legally blind), my hearing seems to work overtime. I suffer and cause those around me to suffer from a mild case of self-diagnosed misophonia. It is basically just rage triggered by mouth noise. I say mild because I don’t fly off the handle- I merely get incensed by the sound of spittle and tend to lash out– usually at my girlfriend. “YOU ARE MAKING DISGUSTING NOISES.” She’ll be chewing with her mouth closed for the most part, but then every fifth bite or so she’ll open her mouth to take a breath and I will be treated to a nice wet “smech” , “glip” or “blicth”. I can feel my body temperature rising just thinking about it. Of course, now my chewing gets on her nerves too and she says the same to me. Perhaps misophonia is contagious?
This would make sense because scientists think the condition can be caused by emotional events. My personal trauma would probably have been my parents’ divorce when I was just a toddler. I don’t remember much. But, one thing I do recall is watching the Monkees with my older sister at my Dad’s new apartment. I can still see us sitting on the floor in front of the TV as she deliberately and repeatedly, smacked her lips. I wanted to smack her face. I was three.
Today, I still keep that same impulse in check when, for example, I hear Mary Louise Kelly report on national security. It’s not her voice, which, while slightly on the chirpy side, doesn’t bother me at all. It’s just the little glistens of saliva in her mouth that drives me nuts. I often have to hit skip, but sometimes try to grit my teeth and keep listening, because I quite like her reporting otherwise. Sorry Mary Louise Kelly. Its not you, it’s me. Really!
In fact, there are many ways to get on my auditory nerves: twangy accents; loud inhalations; any hint in the voice of the saccharine, insipid or sanctimonious. Most politicians piss me right off– even the ones I agree with.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on certain songs. “Feliz Navidad” , “Who let the dogs out?”, and “Hooked on a Feeling” all raise my hackles. You’d be surprised how often that last one gets sung. “Hoogachaka, Hoogachaka, Hoogachaka…” Fuck you David Hasselhof!
Sometimes I can overcome my aversions, suggesting that the issue may be psychosomatic. Back in 2007 I was introduced to Zoe Chase by way of the Planet Money podcast. At first, her voice grated on me. Oh My GAWD, she was just so loud and Bronxy. But I grew to love her voice because I grew to love her. She is just so affable. You can hear the smile in her voice, as you can with so many of the Planet Money team. Shout out to Robert Smith and Stacey Vanek Smith! (No relation.)
Other NPR voices take no getting used to– people like Ofeibea Quist-Arcton and David Greene. She has such a regal, sonorous voice, it’s downright intoxicating. His voice is warm and smooth like a chocolate brownie fresh from the oven. But they can’t all sound like Ofeibea Quist-Arcton and David Greene can they? There is so much more to reading the news than the timbre of the newscaster’s voice. I gather this is why NPR makes room for a diversity of voices– a policy my mind supports but my ears have trouble with– until they don’t anymore. Take Dianne Rhem, who suffers from spasmodic dysphonia. At first, the vibrato in her voice caused by the disease was almost unbearable. I could hardly understand what she was saying she sounded so cartoonishly old. But I got used to her voice and came to respect the insight she is famous for. Unfortunately, she retired at the end of 2016, making way for new voices to test my patience.
I think it was around this time that the issue of vocal fry came to the foreground on NPR. People complained that young, female reporters rasped their voices in an unprofessional way. This was rightly dismissed as a non-issue raised by sexists, who didn’t seem to complain about the vocal fry of male reporters. At the time, I didn’t understand what the flap was all about. In fact, I thought vocal fry sounded downright sexy, ever since visiting Taiwan, where the women fried and elongated the final “e” in “Xie Xie”. It sounded like Shi-Shi-ehhhhh and something about it was a kind of a turn-on.
In fact, there are people with a condition that is seemingly the opposite of misophonia– autonomous sensory meridian response. Those with ASMR describe positive feelings that they find addictive, like feeling tingly, calm, glowing, or being put into a trance-like state when they hear certain soft sounds– like mouth noise.
Lord, how I envy those people!
