My Anxiety Snowballed, Consuming More and More Areas of My Life
At some point, even a thing I loved turned into a major trigger for my anxiety disorders.
I can do hard things. This is something I’ve always known.
Anxiety disorders affect people in many different ways. Often, people believe that those with anxiety disorders feel like they can’t — like they aren’t capable of getting through a situation. For me, it hits differently. I know I am capable, but at what cost.
I have never doubted that I could get through a difficult situation. I’ve done it again and again. But, for most of my life, each time I’ve pushed myself through something, I did so by means of unhealthy coping mechanisms because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do — suck it up, be strong.
Then, seemingly unrelated activities would trigger something deep-rooted — embedded in me by trauma — and my anxiety disorders would kick into overdrive, but I’d only get frustrated with myself. I’d beat myself up for being “too sensitive.” I’d wrestle with tremendous guilt over struggling to do normal things and, especially, over struggling through situations for which I was actually grateful.
I felt such conflict between hating the anxiety the situation caused but still being…
