My Depression: The Movie
I thought it might be a good idea to make a film about my depression. How my depression felt, and how it had impacted my life. What could go wrong?
My first film, You, Your Brain, & You had been a zany, Pythonesque comedy. That was fun, but I wanted to root my second film in some real human emotion. My lifetime of suffering from depression and anxiety was the most obvious thing to write about — write what you know, right?
I didn’t want to make a traditional documentary, with talking heads and whatnot. I wanted to use humor and real life experiences to get at what depression feels like — an objective film about a subjective experience. I wanted to make a film that showed non-depressed people what their friends or family members may go through, and a film depressed people might identify with. And I wanted to entertain everybody.
So I made a film that turned my depressed life into a 100-question test. A question about my high school agoraphobia used manipulated found footage of a happy 1950s family at a county fair, with rides like The Endless Cycle of Despair and The Rocket to Gloom and/or Anguish. I included lots of that dark humor the depressed use to get through the day.
I cast comedian Lane Moore as the test-taker. I threw in cameos from Mystery Science Theater 3000’s Frank Conniff, comedian Josh Gondelman, and more. I got a friend to sing a blues song I co-wrote, “Shut Up I Got The Blues Real Bad.” I even included a fake ad for the official Bateman Lectures on Depression pocket calculator.
Of course, the easy part of making a film is making the film. Getting that film into festivals, however, is difficult for an unknown filmmaker whose film features no big stars.
Because the film is my life story, I submitted it to documentary film festivals. None of these docs-only festivals accepted it. And no film festivals within driving distance accepted the film.
Rejections definitely triggered some depression for me; it’s such a personal film, how could it not? But then the film started doing well at more general (and more distant) festivals. It even won Best Doc at a few festivals, and earned awards for its visual effects and editing. Strangely, the film did best across America’s Sun Belt — who knew depression was so big where the weather is so nice?
Screenings went very well. I state early in the film, “Your depression may vary,” but during Q&As audience members would describe how they saw themselves in various parts of my film. My personal story was way more universal than I’d imagined.
Turns out, making a film about my depression wasn’t such a bad idea.
The Bateman Lectures on Depression is now streaming on Amazon.
