My name is Richard and I have PTSD.
It’s been about a week since I was diagnosed with “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” and writing this blog is my way of coping…… I hope!
I’ve been a Paramedic in the UK for about 25 years, I’ve seen most things that life and death have to offer! I gave up counting how many babies I have delivered when I got into the late twenties and I stopped counting the dead patients after my first few years of service. Most other stuff became a blur.
So what changed?
Summer 2015, that’s the point in my life when things started to go wrong.
It was a late evening and I had been called to a “Stabbing” in a small Essex market town. That evening was to end with a mother and her partner laying dead. Killed by her own son in what I believe was a sustained and frenzied attack on them both. Each had been stabbed over 40 times, each had their throats cut, each now lay dead!
When this young man “snapped” and killed these two people he never gave a thought to me, he never gave a thought to the many many other people that would be touched by his anger. Yet everyday since I think of him. A man I don’t know, a man that has changed my life. I lay awake at night unable to sleep, unable to clear the images from my mind. I get anxious for no reason, my heart races. I verge on a panic attack most days.
My wife and little children lay snug in their beds, cozy and warm unaware of the things I see, unaware of the odour that fills my nostrils. They suffer too tho, my being short tempered, overprotective, sullen, tearful. I hope they know how much I love them. I hope they know how much I care.
My name is Richard and I have PTSD