Narcissistic Abuse & the Trap of Self Blame
Getting unstuck from an insidious cycle of penance and self punishment
“Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you” ~ Rupi Kaur (Milk and Honey)
Many of the folks I see for complex trauma therapy are immersed in the arduous process of dismantling their bondage to a malignant narcissist (NPD). Although the humiliation of objectification and exploitation informs the victim that love was illusory, that the whole relationship was merely a deceitful fabrication devised by the narcissist to glean supply, the urgency to believe the love was real causes the victim of narc abuse to resist these painful truths.
Immersed in a trauma bond the victim incessantly revisits heinous memories, while concomitantly longing for the alluring version of the abuser. Generating complex rationalizations for why the relationship failed consummates this cyclical pattern.
Hence, the endless regurgitation of surreal psychological games and disorienting memories of episodic debasement and dehumanization are repeatedly countered with disbelief and a tenacious resistance to letting go. Most troubling, trauma bonded victims shoulder blame for the abuse. Although this insidious position of culpability keeps the victim hostage there are critical reasons for its…
