November is Suicide Season

When I was in high school, my junior year, a girl took her own life in the middle of November, right before Thanksgiving break. She was in the grade below me so I didn’t know her, but I soon learned she was so loved by the entire community of my high school and a lot of people were so broken up by it.

Have you ever been to school the day after a suicide? Everyone is silently crying and the whole school is a little bit darker.

Around that time was when my own mental health struggles were really starting to affect me significantly. I was considering suicide around the same time the girl took her life; I had even cleaned out my locker and brought all my books home so my parents wouldn’t have to deal with it after.

Last November, a friend took his own life. I didn’t really know him too well; I was in the same class as his older brother and he was a couple years younger than us.

He was an incredibly beautiful soul. My last interaction with him is one that I will remember for the rest of my life. I was in the first half of my Master’s program and really struggling with my mental health; he was the only one who noticed and gave me a gentle notice that he was there for me, even though we didn’t know one another that well. I was kind of taken aback: here’s this boy, whom I barely know, that notices I’m struggling, and he’s the only person who does.

The way that I understood things, as I was talking about this boy with another friend, was that suicide was his only option. He was in so much pain, so depressed, and nothing was working for him anymore.

I disagreed.

However, I tend to be an optimist and I generally think suicide is 100% preventable (but only if the person is somewhat ambivalent about taking their own life). I think most people don’t actually want to die, and end up calling the EMTs or telling friends/family.

The last time I tried to commit suicide was six years ago now (go me!) and it was also around early November at the time.

Last year, two 11 year olds from my old school district also took their own lives in November (elementary school kids!!!!!).

I don’t think I’ll ever get the experience of coming to school after a suicide out of my memories. I think sometimes; I wish I had known this girl because she seems like she was such a wonderful person, but am I lucky that I didn’t so that I didn’t have to experience that pain?

Something about November seems to trigger suicide among adolescents and younger people. We need better systems set up in place to address this huge issue that’s entirely preventable. Do you want to live in a world where 11 year olds feel like they’re not worth it, like it’s not worth it for them to be alive? They’ve barely even scratched the surface of life.

I’m really fucking glad this stupid month is almost over. It always brings so much pain.

November seems to be suicide season.