Pay attention to people in their 70's during quarantine. They might be having it the hardest.
I have been reading a lot about how “we” are coping with quarantine.
“We”, who already are digital natives or who are used to adapting and readapting every day.
“We”, who have already experienced in our jobs some level of digitalization before this whole Corona mess kicked in.
“We”, who simply by year of birth, have been more exposed to exponential changes and forced to build some resilience to cope with the overwhelming nature of the world we live in.
I haven’t seen people talking so much about how the elderly are doing. And I realized that after seeing my 72 year-old dad yesterday celebrate his quarantine birthday.
After experiencing this event, I couldn’t sleep. I started thinking about how different elderly age groups are living quarantine, and realized each age group had very specific realities.
I divided the senior population into 3 age groups: 60, 70 and 80+. And I think this is one of the cases in which being stuck in middle is very tough.
Please note that this are my personal observations and that obviously don’t apply to everyone.
The life of a 60-year-old during quarantine
I regularly videoconference with my friends in Brazil and we always ask how each family member is doing. My 27-year-old friends apparently are having it harder than their parents who are all in their sixties.
Most of them are comfortable with technology and can understand the digital world: they have smartphones and can confidently navigate all they need.
Most are using Zoom for their work meetings and most have an Instagram account, but maybe they still prefer their paper books.
They don´t really know about TikTok (but to be fair, neither do I in my late 20's. I feel this is simply not my wave to surf), but they can absolutely survive without it.
Most of the elderly people in their 60’s I know still actively work. They are not talking about retirement and still have pretty much a busy schedule. Their jobs mostly were adapted to remote work, and they are coping.
Their lives changed a lot during quarantine, but they had a decent level of preparation for it.
The life of an 80-year-old during quarantine
My grandma is 84. She is already from a completely offline world, she doesn’t have a smartphone and her main social life is seeing her daughters (all but one of her friends have passed away).
I can only videoconference with my grandma through someone else´s phone when they go visit her. She is fine in the offline world. She has no idea what Instagram is, and she is happy with her paper books and cable. Her life didn´t change much now that it´s quarantine.
Elderly people aged 80+ are basically all retired and used to an offline and quieter life. They are mostly not on the internet anyway and thus do not suffer from the overwhelmingness of this environment. Their lives changed very little with quarantine.
Stuck in the middle: the life of a 70-year-old during quarantine
My dad turned 72 yesterday. He is quarantining with his girlfriend in his apartment, in Brazil, while I am in Germany. I am an only child.
For his birthday, he decided to do a live on Instagram. I don´t think he had ever watched a live or knew exactly what it was, but he had the idea. He called me to ask for my opinion and I told him maybe it made more sense to have a video conference in Zoom or Skype, so that he could see his friends and they could all talk together and celebrate.
He said he preferred the live because he could sing his songs (he writes lyrics) and everyone could watch. I said ok, whatever you prefer.
The preparations for this live went on for days. He wrote what he wanted to say in pieces of paper, he communicated to all his friends — most didn’t have an Instagram account and had to created one — and yesterday, finally, the day had come.
I called him on Whatsapp before to sing happy birthday and he didn’t give me much attention, so worried he was with his upcoming birthday live. He didn’t know exactly how to do it, whether anyone would watch him, if the internet connection would be sufficient.
I could feel the struggle and the discomfort in his voice. There was a birthday cake carefully by his side that his girlfriend had baked, and he was all dressed up and ready to go one hour before the scheduled time.
Watching my dad struggle with technology and adjust the sound and microphone, not to mention interact with whoever was watching, was a bit heartbreaking. I felt powerless being in the other side of the world.
I think it was nice that he was trying to keep up to date with technology, but, to be very honest here, I think he suffered more than he enjoyed.
I could see it in his eyes even through the very bad image resolution (internet connection was indeed terrible) that the whole thing was too much for him.
Too impersonal, too complicated, too stressful.
People in their 70's are either already retired, like most of my dad’s friends, or getting there — like my dad. Work does not play such a central role in their lives anymore.
Their purpose comes more from personal projects, such the next trip they want to do — something that takes an insane amount of planning — but I think that is part of the fun for them.
They have still a considerably network of friends, but most of their contact is offline.
And so is their work. My dad for example has a restaurant, which is closed. His friends are lawyers, doctors, engineers. All of those “traditional” jobs that require physical presence.
Suddenly, with quarantine, they can’t do their work and they were never exposed to digitalization, so they don’t know how to kick start it.
They have some kind of digital skills with their smartphones and apps, but not enough to shift their whole life to digital format, such as the younger generations.
They are also not like the older part of the population, who don’t need to digitalize at all.
So, here they are. Stuck in the middle.
How can our dear elderly family members who might be stuck in the middle deal with quarantine?
How can they find purpose in a time in which there is no traveling and that the offline work is simply impossible?
How to find meaning and to navigate technology without having a burnout?
I wish I had the answers to this questions. I spent my Master in Positive Psychology focusing on elderly happiness, but nothing has prepared me for what we are living now.
But I can say one thing: I think my dad should not have made a birthday live on Instagram. He should, instead, have called on Whatsapp video his friends, 4 at a time, and simply talk. None of the stress he experienced yesterday would have been there.
Yes, it is important for elderly people to stay active and to try to catch up to the digital world innovations. But not now. Quarantine is already too much.
Maybe now they should keep technologies that already feel comfortable. Be it Whatsapp, Facebook and Netflix. Keeping it simple. Calling daily one good friend and catching up. Trying to cook something from an old unused cook book. Rereading their favorite classics.
Whatever brings psychological comfort. While challenges are important to keep the brain active and functioning during all ages, when the challenge becomes too big, it only backfires.
And, finally, what can “we” do about it?
The only thing possible: give support.
- Try to help shifting their business to online if possible (I’m managing the delivery apps for my dad’s restaurant for example). If not, try to help them already schedule clients or patients for the end of the year, so that at least they have some kind of planning.
- Find for them some easy Youtube tutorials, for example of home workouts for their age group, and send them. Keeping active is of utmost importance for their mental health.
- Call them on video and watch something “together” on Netflix, like a funny comedy movie — no heavy content!
Whatever you do, be gentle.
Don’t pressure them. Yes, quarantine is hard on everyone, but “we” should power through in order to help those who — unlike us — didn’t get a chance to get used to this crazy digital world we live in.
