Petition for a pause button

Overwhelmed is quickly becoming the slogan to my life. The feeling of being overwhelmed is so vicious as well; it begins with stressors that build and build, but then those stressors activate things in your life that would never usually irritate you. But then, before you know it they’re a cause of crazed tears?

Me, if I had nice eyebrows.

I cried yesterday because I spilt yoghurt on the floor. No, I do not have an unhealthy passion for dairy. It wasn’t even a lot of yoghurt. In fact the whole mess was quite quickly taken care of by one antibacterial wipe. However, had you seen my face when the yoghurt initially spilt…I was weeping like a sailors wife. It was bizzare.

Things just get on top of me so easily because I’m a stumbler, and they block out the sunlight in my life.

I don’t think I’ve ever written about my stumbler and glider theory have I?

So there are 2 sorts of people in the world, stumblers and gliders.

Gliders: Flawless creatures. Sent to this Earth purely with the intention to draw attention to the stumblers stumbles. They glide through life, they make everything look easy, they float on a cloud of confidence and take everything in their stride. Or should I say glide (terrible pun, I sincerely apologise.) They drink soya milk and enjoy dark chocolate. And they are wonderful people...which makes it worse.

Stumblers: (Like me!) We trip, we stumble through life. We knock things over and are accident prone. Nearly always have ladders in our tights. We are not flawless, but we revel in our flaws. We have a quirky charm and are our own type of beautiful, we make people laugh and feel at ease. And although we may scream when we accidentally set off a hand dryer we didn’t know was motion sensored, our messy style of living is strangely seductive. Or so I’ve been told.

However, what plagues a stumbler such as I, is the feeling of being overwhelmed. Ideally, I would just drink one too many glasses of wine and laugh at myself. But this is no time for wine. Although I write this in good humour, I must admit that being overwhelmed is starting to drag me down into a dark place. It’s been getting a little harder to get out of bed, to talk to people. I’ve recently become a bit obsessed with ear plugs as a necessary tool to isolate myself. When I bump into people I know out and about, I tell them I’m running late for something so that I don’t have to stop and chit chit about the weather…my own personal version of hell.

Can anyone see the post it marked “enjoy some pinot grigio” or “swear at a lamp”?

I think the difference between my really dark past and my recent signals of a dark future is that I can recognise the signs that things are starting to go a bit…south. Also, it’s not an internal drive that’s pushing me into this dark place. Well, not as much self loathing. Okay, well kind of, but I’m not perfect and it takes time to change and every now and then I’m allowed to eat a kinder bueno and indulge a bit of self pity. External stressors are my major plague…exams, travel worries, retrieving documents for new bank accounts and employment…as if anyone just knows where their birth certificate is.

All I can say is that yes, I’ve taken a little trip down depression avenue recently. But I don’t think it’s the end of the world, because I’m still okay? I don’t feel out of control. I know that this is a bump and it will pass and I’ll be back on track soon, just got to keep on keeping on.

Thank you as always, for taking the time to read my stories. If you enjoyed it or feel someone else might please recommend this to other readers.