Preparing for the Future You Want: 3 Steps To Creating New Habits that Last
We dream of change but rarely do we transform. It’s not due to the lack of trying either. We pursue diet fads and New Year’s resolutions in hopes of creating a better version of ourselves. Shortly into our changes, we slip back into our old routines as if nothing happened.
If you are hoping to make a change that sticks, you must prepare for the hardships of change. The creator of the Stages of Change, James Prochaska states that 50% of people who try to change without preparing will relapse within 21 days.
“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” — Benjamin Franklin
HOW TO PREPARE
There are three components to good preparation. Following these three steps will increase your chances of making changes that last.
DEVELOP A PROS AND CONS LIST FOR CHANGE
Although this is a simple exercise, you mustn’t skip this step. If you do, you risk not knowing the obstacles of change until it’s too late. By creating this list you’ll gain two things: motivation for changing and an understanding of what obstacles you’ll face.
For the Pros column, ask yourself how will you benefit from the new habit? This will help you understand your motivation for change. If it’s hard to come up with this list, you might not have much motivation, making change difficult. The more reasons you find to change, the easier your new habit will become.
For the Cons list, think about the costs that the change will require. Every new habit, no matter how good it is, will cost you something. You might have to spend time, money, or physical energy to accomplish your goal. What will you be giving up to make your change realistic?
As you start to develop your cons list, devise a plan on how you’ll manage the obstacles. For instance, if you are going to exercise after work, where are you getting the energy after a long day? Do you need an accountability partner to keep yourself motivated? Come up with a plan.
For me, this is the Pros and Cons list I came up with for starting a jogging habit:
You can imagine the amount of success I had making this a new life habit. My internal motivation was low. I didn’t have much desire to improve my cardio and apparently, weight gain isn’t that important to me either. Besides the low benefits, I had a much bigger list of cons. So what happened after my first run? 3 minutes after I began, I found myself in agony and walking home. The habit of running didn’t stick.
The Pros and Cons list is critical for setting you up for success. If I had made my Pros and Cons list before my first run, I would have tried a different exercise plan.
Change is not free; it costs your energy and strength. Know the cost ahead of time to make sure you have the energy it takes to sustain it.
Once you’ve created your list, you can ask yourself the final question: Is it worth it? If the answer is yes, then it’s time to make your plan.
MAKE SMART GOALS
Therapists teach the SMART Goals formula as a way to help make change possible. It stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely.
By following this format, you are less likely to end up with an unattainable goal. Nothing is more discouraging than never reaching your destination. Nobody wants the personal trainer who always demands “one more.”
Your goals must be SMART. Here is the formula:
Specific — Create your goal as detailed as possible with no vague words. An example of a vague goal is “I want to be happy.” The word happy is not specific. Happiness changes depending on the person who is talking about it. As an introvert, I’m happy to never leave my house. Others would be miserable if they lived my life.
A way to make this goal specific is to reflect on what you’d do if you were happy. For some, that might be hanging with friends. A better way to write this goal would then be: “To be happy, I will hang out with friends.”
MEASURABLE — How will you know you have achieved your goal if you don’t have a measurement? You won’t. To know if your goal is successful you will need to establish how many times you are trying your new habit.
Looking at the previous goal, the person who is wanting to improve their mood will need to pick the number of times they want to spend with friends. Will they have an improved mood after 1 time or will they need 100 times? To make the goal measurable is should say: “To be happy, I will hang out with my friends 4 times a week for 6 months.”
ATTAINABLE — Sometimes our eyes are bigger than our stomach. When we set unattainable goals we become discouraged. It’s easy to quit our new habit if we have unrealistic goals.
When setting your new goal make sure you have the time and resources to achieve it. It’s better to start small and succeed than it is to be overambitious and fail. Reflect on the obstacles that you noted in the Pros/Cons list and account for them in this step.
Looking at the aforementioned goal of improving one’s happiness, I would adjust the quantity to make the goal more realistic. Hanging out with friends 4 times a week wouldn’t be realistic if you have a full-time job and a family. A more attainable goal is: “To be happy, I will hang out with friends 1 time a week for 6 months.
REALISTIC — Do you have control over your goal? It’s easy to think about what you want, but are you writing your goal in a way that you have control over it. Examples of goals that aren’t controllable are “I want a job” or “I want to be famous.” Both goals require someone else to achieve them.
Goals that are out of your control aren’t realistic and are disempowering. The idea of a goal is to empower you to action. If your goal is out of your control, ask yourself what will improve your chances of getting what you want. From there you can establish a plan.
With the previous example, happiness is not always within your control. It’s an emotion which is a byproduct of things you do and things that happen to you. A better way to write this goal would be: “To improve my overall mood, I will hang out with friends 1 time a week for 6 months.”
TIMELY — Your new goal must be time-bound. This means it has to have an end date and one that is in the near future. Creating an end-date to your goal allows you to determine if the goal is helpful. If you achieve your goal and the results are good, you get to celebrate. If you don’t achieve your goal, you get to relook at it and find out what didn’t go well.
The important thing to note here is that your end date must be within a reasonable amount of time. If this is a goal that needs fast results, you want an end-date that is soon. For the previous happiness goal, 6-months is too far in the future. A better time frame and goal is: “To improve my overall mood, I will hang out with friends 1 time a week for the next month.” One month allows for a quick assessment. Nobody wants to wait 6 months to see if they are happier.
Using the SMART goal formula, the goal “I want to be happy” changed dramatically. It went from an uncontrollable vague goal to something concrete with an easy to follow plan. With the road map to success in place, there is one more step of preparation.
MAKE CHANGE CONVENIENT
This is key to successful preparation. As you build new habits, old habits must end.
Unfortunately, neuroscience shows that this isn’t an easy process. Inside your brain, the pattern of habit is built through connecting neurons. The more you do or think something, the more your brain strengthens those connections. The bigger the connection, the easier it is for your subconscious to act without you realizing it.
Relapse is easy because your subconscious works against you. It’s important to know that your brain is lazy. It likes to use the path of least resistance. To make your new habit you have to tear down the old routines, something your brain is not inclined to do.
The key to defeating your subconscious is by making the new habit more convenient than your old routines. Author of The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor writes about this process. For years he wanted to learn how to play guitar but never succeeded. The guitar stayed in the closest while he sat on the couch watching TV.
Determined to start practicing, he moved his guitar next to the couch. He was convinced he would play instead of watching TV. Yet, the switch didn’t work. He continued to watch television while the guitar sat by the couch.
Next, he removed the batteries from his TV remote and hid them. This change worked. On the first day, he sat down on the couch and tried to turn the TV on. However, the remote didn’t work. He then remembered his plan and picked up the guitar. Even though he knew where the batteries were, it was easier to play the guitar than it was to go get them.
Your subconscious is a villain that you must plan for. It works against change. Fortunately for us, it’s lazy. Simple planning on how to make it work harder will help you be successful.
Preparation is about focusing your energy towards a goal. It’s the lens in a telescope as you look at the stars. It gives you a clear view of your dreams and a path to get there. By taking the time to prepare, you start to see the obstacles and plan for them. You know what to expect before you chase. Success is not an accident or dumb luck. It’s preparation.
50% of people who try to change and don’t prepare relapse. Do you want to flip a coin to determine your success?
