PTSD and Child Sexual Assault
A parent’s perspective
What is PTSD?
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that belongs to the anxiety family. It develops following a traumatic event and can have a long-lasting impact on an individual’s mental health.
For children, their lack of life skills and emotional maturity can increase the risks of suffering from PTSD after a traumatic event and signs and symptoms may not appear immediately, often beginning anywhere from 3 months to a year following the event.
Signs & Symptoms
My son was sexually assaulted when he was thirteen by someone he trusted like an older brother. He experienced many of the signs and symptoms that are indicative of PTSD. Many children externalise the trauma with aggressive outbursts and physical violence. My son internalised his pain and that’s what I’ll be focusing on within this article.
Irrational fears about safety and death
When a child is sexually assaulted, they often become attached to their main source of support and safety. In my son’s case that was me. He became obsessed with my safety in an intensely irrational way. The fear of losing me, especially during a traumatic time, was too much for him.
He would become agitated if I was going out with friends and couldn’t explain why, other than he was afraid of something bad happening to me. I decided for the time being that it was best to stay close to him and not cause him further distress. During this time we worked on his ability to challenge his irrational fears and reduce his level of distress when I had to be away from him.
Intense attachments to a parent or care giver
The only time my son felt safe and at ease was when he was with me. I was a single mum so I had to work to support us financially but this increased my son’s distress during times we were not together. He would constantly text, needing to feel connected to me, and if I didn’t reply instantly he would panic.
My son’s intense attachment to me caused a lot of concern for his psychologists and others involved in his care. I was never overly concerned because I knew the independent child he’d been prior to the attack was still there but just hiding for the time being.
His psychologists and teachers wanted to restrict his ability to contact me while he was at school. Considering he had missed almost two years already I wasn’t going to allow this to happen. It took considerable determination and effort for him to go to school and if they cut off his lifeline (me) he would deteriorate again.
I knew my son better than anyone and I was adamant he be allowed to contact me when he needed too. Most of the time he would text me after he was dropped off and usually around lunch time. Sometimes more if he was really struggling. This continued until eventually those texts became less about how bad he felt and more about general stuff that may have happened. Sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him until he was on his way home.
He has settled down a lot over the past four years and his independence has begun to shine through again. Psychologists and teachers may be the experts in their fields but I’m the expert when it comes to knowing my son and I won’t be forced to do things I believe will be more harmful rather than therapeutic for him.
Isolating and Social withdrawal
The world is a scary place and most children are shielded from that by their innocence. When something traumatic happens it’s natural for anyone, child or adult, to withdraw and isolate. For many years my son stopped socialising with his friends, and even stopped spending time with his father.
He just wanted to be at home where he felt safe. Everyone heals in their own time and for my son it’s taken almost four years. He spends a little more time with his dad now and has a great bunch of friends. Year 11 camp is coming up soon and he is looking forward to that.
You can’t force your child to trust again, it’s something that takes time. At times I would gently push my son but often it was just too soon. Let them find their way back through your strength and support.
Problems with school
Schooling was a major issue for my son. He initially had to change schools because the perpetrator went to the same school. His new school was ok but not equipped to deal with what he was going through.
His new school was informed of what had happened and were very supportive but it just wasn’t enough. During class one day, a video was played about teenagers and trauma. My son should have been removed from class that day but he wasn’t.
During the lesson he froze, unable to move. He sent me a text saying that he was having trouble breathing and felt a panic attack coming on. As much as I told him to get out of that room he couldn’t move. Part of his management plan was that he could leave the classroom if needed and find one of his designated safe people.
I rang the school to inform them of what was happening and they went and took him out of the classroom. I picked him up soon after. He was so traumatised following this that he began experiencing auditory hallucinations which lasted for about a month. Three voices tormented him but with medication he was able to settle back down. He didn’t go back to school for a long time after that.
Insomnia
Many people don’t realise how very important sleep is especially for individuals with mental health issues. As a mental health nurse I know how quickly a person begins to recover when they get adequate sleep. For my son, he didn’t sleep properly for months after the attack and it was only through medications prescribed by his psychiatrist that he was able to sleep soundly.
I’m fortunate to have the knowledge I do regarding medications so I knew what medications I wanted for him. His psychiatrist was a fantastic doctor and he was agreeable with my choices. It was such a relief when my son began sleeping.
Fear Response
A person’s emotional response to fear is a personalised one. The fear response occurs from an individual’s perception of danger and the need to avoid or escape the threat. This is known as the fight or flight response and for children this can present as a freeze or paralysis response.
During my son’s assault he initially tried to get away but when he couldn’t he froze. Anytime since, when he feels intense fear, he will freeze such as in the classroom at school. It has taken many years for him to regain his confidence in standing up and saying no to anything he doesn’t feel comfortable with. He is seventeen now and much taller than me but still feels intense fear at times. I’ve repeatedly reinforced his confidence to take control of his life and regain his power.
Suicidal Thoughts
Hearing that your child wants to die is one of the worst things for a parent. My son had a plan and an intense urge to carry it out. Fortunately my sons biggest protective factor was me and I repeatedly let him know that I could not live without him.
Getting through this period was just another painful response to the pain he was feeling but I took those feelings very seriously. He couldn’t see an end to his suffering so it was my job to make him see that he was strong enough to make it through and I’d be by his side the entire time.
Clear exits & views of the room
Feeling safe and secure were significant issues for my son. He slept with me for months and then moved to the lounge room so he could see every entry and exit point in our home. This lasted for over a year and even if I persuaded him to sleep in his bed, I’d hear him get up not long after I went to bed and sleep on the lounge.
I realised that because his bed was high off the ground it allowed room for a person to hide under it. I knew it was irrational and a response to the assault but it was a mindset I couldn’t get him to shake. I decided to pull his bed down and put his mattress on the floor and this was how I got him back into his bedroom.
For almost four years he slept like this and then one day he asked for his bed to be put back up. Just like that! He was healing in his own time and once I realised this, I stopped stressing that he’d be forever fearful in our own home.
Other signs & symptoms
There were many other signs and symptoms which my son experienced but these are the ones that had a significant impact on his quality of life.
Today
Today my son is in a good place. He has just commenced year 11 and has been enjoying the things he loved before he was assaulted. He still experiences flashbacks and bad days but they are much less than before. He can see a future outside of the pain he has lived with for four years and I am so proud of his strength and courage to keep going when he just wanted to give up.
