Relationship Anxiety and Intuition: Which is which?

I feel like “my gut” has completely disappeared.

Photo by Tonik on Unsplash

I’ve been dealing with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. However, it was only until after a horrendous breakup that relationship anxiety set in, maybe even ROCD. Before this, I believed myself able to separate what was the gnawing, impulsive, and dreadful feelings of anxiety from genuine gut feelings for or against something.

It’s not that simple. Anxiety has become more and more pervasive and consuming. It’s caused breakdowns, new medication prescriptions, and even suicidal ideation. It’s come to the point where I don’t know what I want, and that scares the hell out of me.

“Trusting Your Gut” vs. Anxiety

The first time I remember relying on my intuition to make a decision, I was debating transitioning. I tried to convince myself every reason why I wasn’t trans, but something deep inside me compelled me to consume all the trans content I could, from morning till night. It became the only thought running through my head and I began to realize how uncomfortable I felt in my body. After a lot of tribulation, I went on hormones.

Here’s the interesting part, though: I had already transitioned socially due to my gut, but when I went on…