Running on Empty

I fill up my car with gasoline, less and less each time. It still runs, but I can’t walk. It’s so normal to everyone else, just putting gas in their car. But to me it seemed strange. Why put gasoline, something flammable, inside something that could explode? So I started using less, afraid of the potential disaster. I didn’t want it to break down, at least I didn’t think I did. I was just trying to prevent any further damage that may come.

I was putting in half of what people normally use. They say you’re not supposed to let your tank go below half-empty, for optimal performance. But I never let it go above half-full. The car would sputter, sometimes it struggled. It continued working, but never properly. It’s funny now, looking back, that I never thought or realized the problems were from a lack of fuel.

I had to take it into the shop for repairs many times and the price seemed to rise with each additional visit. The mechanic told me, “Just put more gasoline in it and it should be fine.” I never listened. He and everyone else just couldn’t understand my anxiety. What if the car caught on fire? It could explode!

To those around me, this fear seemed ludicrous. But the fear of over-fueling and exploding far outweighed my fear of the car breaking down. In fact, that wasn’t even on my radar. I was sure it would continue to run as it always had. I didn’t care about the car breaking down. Because despite all the troubles, I never thought the engine would fail permanently, until it did.

This is the Story of My Eating Disorder

I Am A Survivor

You can read my story here:
https://story.projectsemicolon.com/2018/02/04/my-name-is-morgan-olson-and-this-is-my-story-of-survival/