So, You Think I Need Therapy?
When reaching out feels like walking on eggs.
She is a friend at work and since she came back from maternity leave, she has been having outbursts. She seems unable to focus on paperwork or hold a conversation. You ask her if she needs help and she becomes defensive claiming that it is not because she is a new mother that you should suspect her abilities. She starts to avoid you.
Your ageing mother tells you various versions of the same story that happened that same morning, struggling to remember the details and filling up with obvious lies to make up for her memory lapses. On the fifth time this happens, you suggest to take her in for a mental check-up. She swears everything is fine and protests that she won’t ever go to the doctor for cuckoos.
Should you insist?
Denial of mental illness* can be frustrating, especially if you spot the signs but are met with a complete blockade to even engage in a conversation around the options. You may be accused of being intrusive and be tempted to back out but at the same time worried about the illness getting worse when untreated.
Below are some potential reasons which can inhibit acknowledging a mental illness:
1. It may just be a tough time for them to ‘allow’ themselves to be sick. They just had a baby, have a loan to pay off and cannot afford treatment, or want to breastfeed without being treated with drugs, for instance. All those factors can make it hard for a person to want to look into their mental wellbeing at that particular moment.
2. They are convinced they can pull up their socks and get over it. In fact, the person may be unable to differentiate regular response to stress from the first symptoms of a depressive phase.
3. They need more explanation. Countless awareness campaigns and magazines encourage seeking help/support for mental illness. Try to ask around, how much do people really know about their options? I have met with people who have never used medication to treat depression yet harbor a constant fear around it. The fears are related to potential side effects, or becoming addicted to the drugs. There are also more relevant fears regarding over-prescription which can be addressed if a person becomes aware of the various kinds of drug free therapies that exist.
4. They have that first visit dread. I had been urging a friend to try therapy to manage her anxiety issues for many years. When she finally did, as a last resort, she explained to me that she had no idea what therapy could actually do for her. She said that considering she has so many friends to talk to, she could not imagine what difference opening up to a complete stranger could make.
5. The old school upbringing has raised umpteen adults into repressing the emotions that make them seem weak or sad.
6. They think being depressed/ anxious is who they are. A woman in her 60’s may have spent countless years in an environment where she was functional such that her anxiety disorder has become invisible.
You may want to try to offer more practical help; instead of saying “I’m always there for you,” attempt “I can look after your baby while you see your therapist” as it projects the patient into the real kind of help that you can offer. You may not be in a position to diagnose the condition as temporary or longer lasting. Hence, you may want to avoid the scary words like anxiety disorder or depression and encourage screening instead.
However, it is essential to remember that despite well meaning efforts to reach out, no one can be held responsible for someone else’s mental well being.
