Telling Temptation

I know I’m on a diet, but one little cookie wouldn’t be a big deal.

I know I’m in a committed marriage, but screwing one little waitress, just one time, is fine.

I know I’m a nice guy, but murdering this one little person will clear up a lot of problems.

And so the story goes. Yes, where ever you are on your journey, temptation is right there with you. It comes in different forms, different levels of severity, and with different levels of justification, but it’s there and it isn’t going anywhere. And I’ll tell you what else: the rapid increase of exposure we have to — well, everything — is only going to subject us to further temptations going forward. Everything is accessible, constantly beckoning. And the wildest part is, with all that being said, the grand solution most people are still stuck to is to RESIST temptation. Take a breath. I’m not necessarily about to tell you to dismantle your life and start the purge; let’s just talk about it.

What is temptation? Simply put, temptation is when you feel at least somewhat inclined to take up an opportunity. Temptation is most often associated with stress, because many times these opportunities are in some kind of contrast to the path you’re already on. If we consider temptation from this angle, we find that it pertains just as much to what you stand to lose as it does to what you stand to gain. “I want to enjoy or gain that cookie, but that means straying from or losing the healthy diet I’ve been on”. We’re innately aware of this. Only a small child is so blind to circumstance as to not understand that temptation is a one way street, directing you towards one destination and away from another. And in spite of this, it still exists. Those feeling temptation are intrigued by, if not sold on, the chance to break their cycle. So clearly these feelings exist because there is something not entirely right with the cycle, and the stronger temptation is, the less secure you are with your current way of life.

This idea may seem preposterous to some of you. It does for many, especially for those who are not necessarily suffering from any form of addiction, which is why temptation can leave us so frazzled. Because what if there is seemingly nothing wrong? What if you have the trophy spouse that’s had all the plastic surgery you’ve asked of them, the sick job on Wall Street, the yacht, the lambo, and two kids that are yet to show any signs of being douchebags? After all, everyone tells you how kick-ass you are and how they wish they had your life. No one, including you, could possibly understand the feelings you’re having about wanting to fuck off to a cabin in the mountains so you can take up a job in woodturning. Yeah, it does seem weird doesn’t it? But the ideas that much of the world (or at least your social circle) have about your current lifestyle don’t necessarily match the ideas that the deeper part of you has about your lifestyle. And it’s hard to be aware of that, especially because the fear of missing out has become instinctual for many of us. It’s common to seek more and to crave new experiences; so much so that it’s nearly impossible to tell whether these cravings are true to you in the long run, or just temporarily.

To stand a chance at beating that near impossibility, however, we must pay attention to temptation, not resist it. Resistance is natural; it’s what we’ve been told to do and it allows us to maintain the versions of ourselves that are already working and that have stood by us enough to not get us killed yet. But if we don’t become curious about it, then we don’t reassess our needs, and as long as temptation is present, it means our needs are either shifting or not being met. And to ignore your needs, to ignore the very fuel engining all of your behavior, will bring pain first to you and eventually to others.

So allow temptation in. Understand that it’s something we’re all exposed to and that it’s trying to teach you something. As a matter of fact, it’s trying to teach you several things.

It’s sure to teach you some smaller, practical lessons. If you’re a recovering alcoholic, does keeping a mini bar in your basement help or harm you? Maybe the constant availability of it dulls your interest or maybe it’s a constant nag trying to pull you back in.

What about possibility? You, the alcoholic, may opt for a glass of water over a glass of wine if presented with both, but are you still as enthusiastic about having water if you know you’ll never be able to have wine again? Sometimes the level of temptation differs when you know what’s available and what isn’t, just in case you decide later on to change your mind.

These are useful and more minute lessons to help you weigh present and future urges, but mainly, and again, the core of exploring temptation, with or without action, is the addressing of a need that’s not being met. A man tempted to cheat on his wife could find that this urge reflects any number of his personal needs not being met: a sense of freedom he may feel he missed out on if he married younger than he was ready to; a need for more sexual experimentation with his wife; a need for risk if he’s spent his life pleasing others; a need for true love if that’s what he feels for the woman temping him and no longer for his wife.

These needs, or the needs that pertain to your particular situation are more than likely no one’s fault, which is easy to forget once people start getting hurt. After all, you’ve probably sucked at assessing your needs until the viewing of this article, and have made a lot of split second decisions that seemed right at the time. But as you change, the results of your decisions stay with you. It’s very natural to find oneself in a situation that’s not right for one to be in and to start seeking remedies whether they be healthy or unhealthy. And whether or not these remedies are acted upon, it is this very cycle, and the observation of it that determines how our lives progress and either compounds into future temptations or enables us to find better alignment between our actions and our values. That part is up to you. Poke and prod yourself.

Are you living a lie? Are you simply too scared to jump ship and face the risk of entering a life that you feel is healthier for you? Or are these temptations simply spur of the moment and could be dismissed by making a healthy alteration elsewhere? What do you need to take care of, and how can you do that healthily and in a communicative manner with those that might be affected by it? The answers are there so long as you’re patient and brave enough to seek them.

So the presence of temptation is wonderful after all, guys. It is most definitely serving as a wake up call to you, and to ignore that is to ignore an opportunity to understand yourself better.