The Anatomy of Fear
One long night stands before me. The labyrinth of razor sharp thoughts. I’m going to get cut. What I’ve been soaking up during the day will slowly flow through my system so I can die many times over. Again.
My psychiatrist said to me that I’ve inherited such a chemistry so I get upset easily, and cannot let go. I fall too easily into the labyrinth. And it takes all of my time to get out. And every time the labyrinth changes so memorizing it doesn’t pay. So how do I end up in the labyrinth?
It is quite simple
Here comes probably the shortest but comprehensive explanation of how we operate.
You probably know that we actually have three brains, the old brain(or the reptilian one that lights up when it comes to survival), the midbrain(the emotional one), and the new brain (that does the thinking and can reflect on itself, but not on the other two, and that is the problem).
Just a few words for the reptilian one. Survival that is. First, it comes to the survival of the species, so it reacts sexually — to reproduce. When it comes to the survival of the unit, then it is all about food, drink, fight, flee. So the old brain lights up when we feel threatened in any way mostly existential, it screams at the new brain, it wakes up the midbrain because of all the commotion, so the emotions kick in, then the new brain that thinks tries to make decisions.
But sometimes there is no time to think, then the old bran hijacks the system and controls our hands and legs so we run or, for instance, drown including our helper whom we kicked in the face. And that is all natural. It is how we are designed or evolved.
But
If our existence is by our perception threatened too many times, the old brain remains constantly aroused and it screams like a monster at the new brain, “Do something! Do something! We’re going down…”. And the noise becomes so intense that the old brain can’t hear the helpless new brain that wants to calm it down. It becomes one-way communication. And to make things worse, the midbrain, the emotional one, bleeds emotions and emotions direct our thoughts. So we cannot think straight. The loop is closed and we get paralyzed. The only brain we control is the new brain that thinks and we begin to think, then to overthink. In vain.
It becomes too dangerous
Because our thoughts are pushed by the emotions provoked by the screams of the old brain. So we enter the labyrinth of thoughts frightened by the screaming monster and we try to think our way out. Impossible.
So
We take anxiolytics to calm the screaming monster inside. They take over the job of our new brain because the monster is cut loose and it doesn’t listen anymore. And the gates of hell open. We become dependent on the outside helper and we live a miserable life in the labyrinth while others fly over our heads living their fenceless lives.
What I’m telling you is that you cannot think your way out of anxiety and that is exactly what we instinctively do. So we think and actually become slaves of our own system living our lives in fear. Anxiety is when our old brain becomes too loud and cannot hear what the new brain says.
We need help
Now that we know the anatomy we can start healing. By using means of communication that the old brain understands. That is the only way. The old brain actually doesn’t understand complicated sentences, it recognizes words but it gives them its own context, so it is very hard. The best practice is a repetition of positive and comforting intentions that will through time calm the old brain.
And we pray
By believing in a higher being who has a plan for us we shift our existence out of our own clumsy hands into a more powerful force that is larger than us. Theistic religions teach their believers how to do that. If you truly believe in God than you understand that God loves you and that He has a better plan for you. By believing in providence you actually calm your old brain down and understand current suffering as something that will pass. It works. It really does. But you have to do it every day. Take time and calm your system by praying to God who takes care of you. It is what you believe that matters. Very important.
And we meditate
Buddhists don’t necessarily think about God, they concentrate on detachment. Of all emotions and thoughts. Once detached they reach Nirvana and then they are completely free. The key to meditation is to concentrate on your pulse and breathing which calms your thoughts and then you start to become aware of you as an observer not chained to your body and feelings. And like praying, you have to repeat that every day as long as you live.
So where do you start?
This was just a very very shortened version of what it takes to calm the screaming monster in you down. But one thing is certain, you have to take action because thinking will make things worse or paralyze you at best. Seek help, find a spiritual leader who will guide you out of the labyrinth. NOT your thinking until you bleed.
And me?
The night before me is going to be long. My screaming monster is always awake. I haven’t tamed him yet. I bleed emotions, they scar me and I suffer. Been to the front line too many times. I never left my foxhole on the first line before hell. I see monsters every day. Know them by name. By I assure you, you will never find a monster that carries my name. I will never become one. Because I truly believe that one day the skies will clear and I will rise above the labyrinth. God promised me wings.
