The day I knew the difference between Depression and Sadness

Indu KS
Indu KS
Jul 27, 2017 · 3 min read

I battled with Anxiety almost all of my teenage years, and it gradually turned into Depression.

When I first told my mom about it, she said “Don’t be sad, it’s going to be okay.” It was the best she could come up with, mostly because she didn’t knew any better.

When my mom said that I thought It must be sadness. I have been anxious a lot lately, maybe I was just sad.

But one morning when I was waiting for my college bus, I saw a speeding car and my mind went What if I step in front of that car and….

BAM!

I snapped back into reality and I remember thinking “Oh my God, this is not sadness. I have been sad but I never had the thought of stepping in front of a speeding car.

I did my research and I realized I was indeed depressed.

I tried coping with it on my own, mostly because I knew there was no point in telling my mom about it when she just brushed it aside saying it was just sadness.

But as days passed my Anxiety worsened into a mild Paranoia and I couldn’t just bear it all. Writing about my fears helped a bit but then it wasn’t much of a help when the attacks worsened.

I did stupid things like buying a stun gun and two cans of pepper spray and devised various methods on how to get out of a situation. And those situations ranged from being followed home by a random stranger to when I am kidnapped and taken into a top secret torture agency.

It all seems a bit silly now, but in the dead of the night with no other sound other that those horrible thoughts playing in your heads it seems worse, it knocks the breath out of you.

People seem to confuse Depression with Sadness.

Depression is not the state of feeling sad. Depression is that state of feeling nothing.

Depression is so much more complicated than being sad.

When you’re sad a break from reality or just taking yourself out for a day out helps you. But Depression is when you don’t even want to get out of your bed.

It’s a constant battle between “I’m worthless” and “What’s the point?”

You want to get up, you want to do the things you love but you just can’t find the energy to do so. And even with all your strength you get up and actually do the thing you love, halfway you have thoughts like “What’s the point? It’s all worthless anyway”

Depression is the state where there’s nothing new you can feel, nothing excites you, nothing makes you laugh or cry. You just go through the days like a emotionless zombie.

It’s a constant battle with yourself and when you fight with yourself for so long at some point you snap.

So if anyone tells you they are depressed, understand that they are. Period.

It’s not sadness, it’s not a pathetic cry for attention and it’s definitely not for gaining sympathy. The simple act of asking for help takes up a lot of courage and energy so please don’t brush it off saying it’s just sadness. Because it’s not.

Accept it. It’s depression and you can cure it. Just like any other health condition. But for this particular illness, you just got to be understanding and compassionate about.

Stop judging and start understanding people.

Thanks.

Invisible Illness

We don't talk enough about mental health.

Indu KS

Written by

Indu KS

I just hope this will all be worth something in the end.

Invisible Illness

We don't talk enough about mental health.

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