The “I Need Help” Paradox
Why “needing” is never the first step to getting anything.
When was the last time you said or heard the phrase “Can I have your help?” This is not to be confused with the phrase “I need help” because needing help is often just victimization rather than a genuine call for action. It is a mere whimper or complaint that says “ahhh, I am so miserable, if I had this one thing I would be better.”
It’s like saying “I know the characteristics necessary of the future to satisfy my current dysfunction even though I cannot satisfy my dysfunction currently.”
“I need help” can take many different forms from a teenage girl talking whimsically about her facebook obsession to my best friend heroin addict explaining he “needs help” just as he is about to use again. Both still don’t imply a genuine internal desire to actualize help from something greater than them. Sure, it is a surrender of sorts to the idea that you may not possess the capabilities to do whatever needs to be done, like stopping the heroin addiction on your own, but “I need help” doesn’t imply that one is ready to actually own the lack of ability to do something and seek help to fill that inadequacy, it is a simple acknowledgement of incapability.
Now, when someone is crying out, suffering, and saying “I WANT HELP” it no longer becomes about a future action that will satisfy the current dysfunction. It becomes about a total surrender to anything and anyone around that individual who is willing to contribute. It is the ultimate way to surrender to the mind’s tendencies to think it understands the circumstances in which it thought it will then be better. However, when was the last time you entered something, anything at all, a coffee shop, an argument, a classroom, and your mind really truly understood all the circumstances that could have existed in that scenario.
The mind cannot get out of the suffering, pain, and dysfunction that is causing someone to think “I need help.”
Let go of the ability to control and predict what you think you need and just admit you don’t know, create space for an answer to come to you rather than filling the space with the usual bullshit (internet, porn, booze, shallow socializing) that satisfies base needs.
Next time you catch someone or something wasting time saying exclaiming they “need” something, a genuine and persistent (at least 2 or 3 times) question of “why?” will soon disrupt that train.