The monster of my generation
(A short letter for those who know it personally, and for those who don’t)
Opening your eyes every morning and seeing the opacity that surrounds you, waking up and understanding that life is one and that time is an illusion that passes quickly. The steam of darkness that surrounded the night is finally gone, and now there is only room for the dreams that wake up, those that are somehow the hope of living and not let yourself die.
To need many times a friendly look that understands your passage through life, try to help those around you and fail in the attempt; taking a breath, looking ahead and make you the illusion that something has changed; then give vulnerability to your heart and treasure the pain minute by minute; describe how great it has been to survive the last few years; knowing that time is shortening and that deep down, your soul continues to cry out.
Living like this, Living thinking that in life there is hope not to let yourself die; Believing that soon you will be free of your chains, until finally there is no other option but to wait for that “someday”… someday you will be able to look at yourself in the mirror and see in your gaze some spark that indicates anything more than pain, oppression, despair and even that desire to stop your heartbeat.
Now, the most painful part will be to be able to articulate a smile that seems true, to show how skilled you are at something and that you feel confident in what you do so that they do not notice that something strange is happening to you, the bad news is that this does not last long and suddenly your mind will begin to fail, your body will begin to decompensate, and in the midst of your silence and tears, you will take strength to get up one more day and say “it’s possible”, and right at this moment a two-way street opens up: continue to play the same game while you try to live, or not open your eyes again on some next morning, to put an end to the monster that oppresses you that has become your life.
Perhaps this is the battle against the monster of my generation, some call it depression, one of the most toxic conditions for a soul, a monster that feeds on hope, on the will to live; it absorbs your mind and just getting up every morning can become a challenge, you fear living, you fear failing, you fear yourself, and the list goes on… And no, please don’t call it stupidity, weakness, unemployment, laziness, unwillingness, we are tired of this, and we didn’t choose to live in this condition… we are the future of this society! , We are young! deep in our hearts we know that we can do great things, we know that we can change and innovate, we know that we are a different generation, we are told that we are beginning to live, but the problem is that the heart is the source of life, and ours is in pieces.
This is a mental battle, continuous, exhausting and painful.
Facing it? It’s not easy, but I’ll tell you that in the midst of all this trouble, there are two fundamental things: accepting it and understanding it. Probably, who has not lived it, will not understand it in its totality, but can have an approach, maybe that’s why there are writings like this one and, informative content about “How does it feel to live with depression” is what is left in the digital media. Now, if you are that person who has never lived it, look at you, you have all the tools to help someone in that condition: you have vitality, hope, vision, love, dreams, passions, desires … you have everything that those other people find difficult to have and you give them a little of that, come on! I don’t think it’s so difficult.
And now I write to you, who understands what I’m talking about … there is a future, there is hope, is it worth it? I don’t know, but there is a love that can heal our pain. I assure you, the world has not yet sunk so low as to forget about it. Those of us who struggle with this monster continually know that we can support each other, and the day we succeed in winning, we will have the answer to thousands of souls trapped in this prison. The day a victorious person stands up with the willingness to shake hands and pull out the people who are struggling, we will know that we are a generation that although a victim, is strong, is a fighter, the first to face challenges but a survivor of the monster that wanted to kill the great change that was approaching in global society.
We are young, we are vision.
First Version: March, 2019
Updated on May 2020
Translated from Spanish with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version), and then edited by me :)
Thanks to Invisible Illness for let me share this part of my soul with you.
