The potential of kindness
In 2016 I read a Facebook post written by a friend who had been sexually assaulted. She wrote from a place of strength, that I am still in awe of, about what happened to her and how it affected her afterwards. After reading her post I felt less alone. I don’t know if she thought writing about her traumatic experience would be an act of kindness, but it was. After I was sexually assaulted in 2013, I struggled to live with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression and anxiety. Reading her post gave me enough courage to ask for, and start accepting help. It was a turning point for me.
I’d never planned on sharing this, but next week is Mental Health Awareness Week, and the focus this year is kindness. It reminded me of the Facebook post I read in 2016 and all the other acts of kindness that have helped me.
Acts of kindness from friends who sat with me in silence when I couldn’t manage much else, who continued to send texts, even though I was (and still often am) awful at responding. Kindness in the unwavering support I have received for the past two years after eventually feeling able to report the assault in 2018, support that continued through the three appeals when the CPS concluded that there wasn’t enough physical evidence to prosecute.
The kindness of every family member, friend, colleague, stranger, doctor, police officer and ISVA who asked me if I was okay, and often asked twice. Then, when the answer was no, those who asked “How can I help?”. The kindness of a trainee who sat with me in a tiny room in A&E whilst I was feeling suicidal, until I felt safe. The limitless kindness of my parents in helping me get access to therapy when it seemed impossible. There are so many more examples I could give, but my point is that they all made, and continue to make, the world of difference.
It was kindness and support from family and friends that meant I graduated, started a successful career and had the strength to report what happened, whilst managing my mental health. Strength that is now a part of who I am, because of people’s kindness, and so it baffles me that some people see kindness as weakness.
I’m not trying to say that mental health problems can be magically solved by kindness, or that the responsibility is on those closest to the person who is suffering. All mental health problems require appropriate treatment, the same as any other illness. But I am so grateful to everyone for their stubborn, kind support (even when, and especially when I didn’t deserve it) because it made the difficult days easier to bear.
I’ve learned that being kind to yourself and others is one and the same, that some days it’s harder than others. From the Facebook post I read in 2016, I’ve learned that kindness is often an act of courage. I’m thankful to everyone who shares their experiences with mental health as each one chips away at the isolation that has felt unbearable at times.
I strongly believe that the more people talk and add to the conversation around mental health and sexual assault, the less chance stigma has of thriving. I’m beyond fed up with stigma. If anyone reading this has any questions, from my experience with depression/anxiety /PTSD to my experience of reporting assault in the UK, or just wants to talk, please feel free to message. I hope this post adds to the conversation around mental health in a positive way. If you think anyone might benefit from reading this, please pass it on.
If you’re looking for help during lockdown, and you need somewhere to start, the below organisations are the definition of kindness.
Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/
Shout: https://www.giveusashout.org/
Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help
