The Scary Outside

Social Anxiety is a really scary thing. Like all mental disoders, it is a prison of your own mind which cannot be seen by anyone else. So, during the Mental Health Awareness Month, I will be addressing each one of the mental disorders I can cover. So, this poem is dedeicated to all those dealing with social anxiety.

This nonchalant drumming
Of the busy streets
And the vehicles passing by
Are scaring me mother.
I thought I was ready,
So ready to face the world.
To finally blossom out of my cocoon
And figure out the vicious vicious world
But guess what father,
This world is as fearful as I always imagined
As harrowing as I can picture it
Maybe even a bit more.

I have fought my demons brother,
Dealt with all of them now,
Slaughtered them with my bare hands,
It took me a while,
But I think I did it.
But you know what sister?
Didn’t realise how bad the demons outside were
I cannot slay them
They are coming at me.

I see them looking, love
I fear they’ll touch me
I fear they’ll take me away.
I don’t know where
But it’s surely a place better than this
Because even the flames of hell
Cannot compete with the misery
That has befallen me.

I am looking out for people
Who will help me endure this,
But no one is here friend,
I am the lone one
Passing through the fuming fire
That passes through my bones
I cannot endure it!
I must leave now.

I want to change
For this is not normal
The people are looking at me
Wondering what’s wrong.
My teeth are chattering, bones are shaking
I am lost in this mighty mist of mourning
I can not endure it now!

But where do I go?
When everything is sinking down
The ground beneath me is cracking
I am going down.
What is my life about?

Maybe I was destined to stay indoors
Not see another being
Only you my dears
Are meant to be with me
The rest are pure torment
And no wind can change my outlook

I sit down on the edge of the road,
Now all I imagine is a sea.
A humongous, powerful thing
Coming at me with the force of a world apart
But I cannot run,
for my feet are gripped by the sand.
I have no escape mother.
It is going to swallow me whole.
I am drowning in the crowd.
I am drowning.

So, I wake up once finally,
the fear of going outside
has captured me once again.
I cannot run away this time,
Or you cannot save me
for all the ones whom I addressed in this poem,
were a part of the crowd
and the nonchalant drumming beings
once again.