Therapy Should Feel Scary
Dreading your next session means you’re probably doing something right
There’s a state park in Iowa where, with only the slightest bit of preparation, you can feel yourself die a little bit with each descent.
On my first effort at cave exploration, I encountered points so low and tight I had to smash my small frame through the guts of a muddy creek, soaking every inch of my clothing, just to fit under a 8-ton rock. A rock attached to a mountain. A mountain that, with just the right seismic activity, could have pinned my face forever into the earth. Have I mentioned the darkness?
We like to think about therapy in the language of self-care, which brings to mind bubble baths and bubbly champagne, when in fact therapy is dirty, sweaty and terrifying. It is a lot less like spa day and a lot more like spelunking in Iowa during rainy season.
This disappoints people, for good reason. We want therapy to soothe the tiredness we feel so we can sleep better, or to invigorate us so we can work better. What we don’t want to take time for is one more thing that will further deplete our energy resources.
But in order for therapy to work, we have to open ourselves up to danger and more pain. We have to be willing to encounter what we know deep down, but aren’t sure yet…
