Giving, Getting and Living with Depression.

While we are alive, we spend a substantial amount of time running behind GETTING things. We want to have new experiences, see new places. We want to GET entertained. We want to drink and eat different things. We want to GET a good job, GET a lot of money so we can GET new books, shoes or whatever it is that we desire. But no matter what we GET, it’s never enough. We always want to GET new things. We spend our life trailing something just a little out of our limit without knowing what it is or why we are behind it in the first place.

In my opinion we are trying to get to place that will make us feel complete, not in a mushy Jerry McGuire way but some place where we won’t feel the pain of not being whole. And till we reach there, we will always want more and more and more.

Off late I’ve realized that this feeling of being complete and whole is accessible to all of us, in spite of the situation we are in. I myself feel funny saying this because since the last few year I have changed all of my circumstances — the place I lived in, my relationship, the activities and way of life I had and even the kind of people I had around me. But had I not done that I would have never realized this.

Having such a huge external change in my life help me built a stronger internal transformation that I have in my life right now. And now I am at a point where the external surroundings barely even affect me like they used to before. This feeling of being complete that I have now came from accepting myself, with all the good and bad and breaking through all things that I thought I wasn’t or can’t be, all those invisible barriers inside of me and doing exactly as I pleased.

Just think for a moment, there is no law that tells us that we can’t be happy till we have had X amount of experiences or X amount of friends or romantic relationships or been to X amount of parties. The fact that if we want to “get” things outside of us thinking they will make us whole, then no amount of anything will make us feel any better. It’s like trying to balance two totally opposite weighing things, temporary till you support them they will balance but it will quickly be gone. To feel better temporary about ourselves we will have to keep up with the act for the rest of our life.

You have to give to the world the thing that you want the most, in order to fix the broken parts inside you. — Eve Ensler

I remember the exact moment when I felt complete. I was in my rented room, painting, one afternoon and you know how an epiphany comes to you, I just felt it in me. No desire to chase things anymore. I felt completely satisfied, like a wave came in and washed away everything unwanted from my soul. In that moment I completely shifted from being the one “getting things to the one “giving” everything I can. Of course it’s a learning curve and I do back to my old ways sometimes but that doesn’t last long. I have given so much of energy and time to friends, strangers, random people I met on the internet. But I think the main thing that is important is to change the priority list, and truly become more concerned with GIVING over GETTING.

Do I want anything in return? Not from everybody that I give to I expect. Most times I don’t expect, but then we all have these people in our life that we keep giving to a little more than you will to others and of course those are the exact ones that you expect from, that you want to GET from. I never realized when my giving turned into an action taken for granted or was being used against me. The fact that I was so open and giving it never dawned upon me that it could have a different side to it. Did that stop me from giving? No.

I don’t think it ever will. Because there always will be a Beatle in my head chirping that in the end the love you get, is equal to the love you give.