Today’s Just One of Those Days

I suffer from depression. Most days are okay, but today is not an okay day.

Today I’m feeling very low. I have spent most of the morning procrastinating. I’ve had my morning coffee, while listening to music and browsing the news on my phone.

Today was supposed to be a busy day. I was planning on cutting the grass, running some chores and then cycling to the gym. I feel like I’ve given in to my depression, because unless my mood suddenly lifts I’ve resigned myself to the fact that none of these things will be getting done today.

I had to force myself to get up and get showered. I had to force myself to take my beloved four legged friend Thor for a walk. He now sits beside me lovingly as I take some kind of solace from my new passion, writing.

While writing this, I am trying to figure out why today is one of those days.

I went out last night with work friends. I had a few drinks, I had a really good time. I don’t have a hangover. I do not see any connection between last night and my current mood.

I am currently going through a messy divorce. I have now not seen my three beautiful children for just over a year. This is due to contact-denial on the part of their mother, otherwise known as parental alienation. This is another story in itself and way beyond the scope of this article. For those interested in this story please see the link below.

To say I don’t miss my children would be an absolute lie. Words cannot describe how much I miss them. They are the first things I think of when I wake up and the last things I think of before I fall asleep. However, as much as the contact-denial triggered my depression, I have become accustomed to employing numerous coping strategies and distractions in managing this element of my depression. Today’s low mood does not feel directly connected to the contact-denial. I miss my children every single day. I couldn’t miss them anymore. Today is just another day that I continue to miss them.

In relation to pursuing contact with my children through the courts I am in an enormous amount of debt due to extortionate legal fees. In the grand scheme of things, I do not worry about money. I would not attribute my current low mood to this stressor, if I can even consider it a stressor.

Right now, although I feel very low, this will have to be good enough for now. For I have had darker days, very dark days. Hopefully those days are long gone.

So the question still remains. Why is today not an okay day?

Perhaps today’s just one of those days.

pnp dad

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