Trauma Bonds: How a Narcissistic Mother Primes You for Abuse
The legacy endures.
Just when you thought it was safe to dive back into the dating pool, you’re swimming with sharks. Yep, even though you thought you had reached peak enlightenment and divorced your mum, you’re still attracting jerks, abusers, withholders, self-serving bastards and, worst of all, narcissists.
Just like dear old ma.
As adults, children of narcissists often find themselves in relationships where they are used to “fulfill psychological functions for others whilst also feeling a sense of shame associated with their own needs and feelings.”
In other words, mum’s abuse doesn’t stop with no-contact.
What gives?
In your first attachment relationship with your narcissistic mother you learnt that the world is unreliable. That others can’t be expected to meet your needs and that you need to meet their needs to be loved.
But, of course that’s not really love. It’s more like exploitation. Your working model for relationships is skewed from birth and you’re primed for vulnerability in relationships.
Unfortunately these early lessons about relationships aren’t easily unlearned. The scripts won’t change without a lot of hard-won self-awareness and perhaps…
