What Are You Passing Down To Your Children?
The hidden truths of intergenerational transmission
What did you inherit from your parents?
For many, physical attributes come to mind first. While we share physical commonalities with our parents, we also share deeper relational and emotional patterns.
Kids inherit more from their parents than you may think. Intergenerational transmission explores the inheritance of unseen patterns throughout generations.
Let’s go into more detail.
Genetics and Epigenetics
Before we discuss behavioral, relational, and emotional aspects of intergenerational transmission, let’s explore the biological role of genetics and epigenetics in the parent-child dyad.
Genetics
The website Genes in Life explains genetics and shares:
“Genetics is the study of how different qualities, called traits, are passed down from parents to child. Genetics helps explain what makes you unique, why family members look alike, and why some diseases run in families”.
Genes are the foundation of our genetic make-up. Our biological mother and biological father contribute equal genes to our genetic blueprint. Information from genes dictates the characteristics a person will have.
For example, a child might have blue eyes, like their mother, or curly hair, like their father. Our genetic blueprint is a starting point for many things, including epigenetics.
Epigenetics
Epigenetics is the process of switching genes on and off. This occurs when epigenetic tags attach to DNA and activate or silence a specific gene. According to Rachel Yehuda, the director of the Traumatic Stress Studies Division at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine,
“Epigenetic changes code us to biologically prepare to cope with the traumas that our parents experienced…we are born with a specific set of tools to survive”.
Something in the external environment cues a change in the internal environment, and a gene functions differently than before. The sequence of DNA does not change, but the expression of it does.
Mark Wolynn, the author of It Didn’t Start With You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are And How To End The Cycle, states, “a pregnant mother’s feelings such as fear, anger, and hope biochemically alter the unborn baby’s genes through epigenetics. The change in genes programs the way the baby interacts with the world.”
Parents also pass behavioral, relational, and emotional patterns to their children.
Family Patterns
More than physical aspects pass down the generations. Behavioral, relational, and emotional patterns also pass through generations through intergenerational transmission. Bowen Theory, Contextual Theory, and Attachment Theory explore this phenomenon.
Bowen Theory
Murray Bowen, an American psychiatrist, believed family patterns repeated throughout generations. Bowen referred to this as the multigenerational family transmission process. He theorized the transmission process involved differentiation.
Differentiation is the ability to identify and separate thoughts and feelings from others. A highly differentiated person holds a deep connection with others without losing their sense of self. An undifferentiated person struggles to maintain autonomy in the face of strong emotions presented by others. Bowen believed the levels of differentiation passed down through the generations. For example, a mother who experiences life as an undifferentiated person passes this pattern to her children, and her children pass this to theirs, and so on.
Bowen theorized poorly differentiated people marry equally differentiated partners, which also continues the pattern of intergenerational transmission. There are many aspects to Bowen’s theory that contribute to intergenerational transmission. If you would like to learn more, read this article by Dr. Richard Niolon.
Contextual Theory
Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy, the founder of contextual therapy, believed generations are bonded together through relational ethics. Every family has a ledger of indebtedness and entitlements. Indebtedness refers to what one owes another, and entitlements refer to what one is owed. When an injustice occurs, repayment is due. Problems develop when justice comes too slowly, or in an amount too small. Hebert Goldenberg and Irene Goldenberg, the authors of Family Therapy: A Overview, state,
“…dysfunctional behavior in any individual cannot be fully understood without looking at the history of the problem, the family ledger, and examining unsettled or unredressed accounts. A symptom that develops might represent an accumulation of feelings of injustice that has grown too large”.
Symptomatic behavior (unhealthy behavior that interferes with daily functioning) is best understood by looking at the history of the problem, the family ledger, and unsettled accounts. For symptomatic behavior to subside, payment within the relationship is due. With proper payment, the relationship becomes fair and symptoms subside. Boszormenyi-Nagy believed if payment is not settled, the symptomatic behavior will continue in the next generation.
Attachment Theory
Attachment is a biological drive for connection. Attachment Theory, founded by John Bowlby, focuses on the importance of relationships. The theory states that the most important relationship is between a baby and the baby’s primary caregiver. The quality of interaction between the primary caregiver and child is categorized into four groups (1) Ambivalent attachment; (2) Avoidant attachment; (3) Disorganized attachment; and (4) Secure attachment. Each attachment pattern is described in different ways. If you would like to learn more about attachment styles read this article by Kendra Cherry entitled, The Different Types of Attachment Styles.
Several studies found children are more likely to match the attachment patterns of their parents, suggesting that attachment is a learned behavior. Dr. Lane Strathearn, FRACP, Ph.D. found that,
“Overall, there was a 73% match of secure/insecure attachment between mothers and infants”.
Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper, Bert Powell, and Christine M. Benton, the authors of Raising a Secure Child, state the rate of intergenerational transmission for attachment style is 75%. Both studies suggest a high rate of intergenerational transmission for attachment patterns.
Intergenerational Trauma
Intergenerational transmission emerges in physical, behavioral, relational, and emotional ways. Intergenerational trauma exemplifies how the four elements of intergenerational transmission persist throughout the ages.
Physical
Mark Wolynn explores the link of trauma, cortisol, and intergenerational transmission. Large amounts of cortisol release when a person experiences trauma. Cortisol activates the stress response. Trauma survivors live with a sensitive stress response, meaning it is activated frequently. Through epigenetics, the overactive stress response changes a survivor’s DNA. The altered DNA is then passed down to their children. Mark Wolynn explores this phenomenon and states,
“Children are three times more likely to be diagnosed with PTSD when their parents are”.
In his book, Mark Wolynn also shared a 2010 study about prenatal stress. The study found a link between physical changes in the baby and high amounts of prenatal stress.
Studies continuously demonstrate that stress changes our DNA. The physical changes pass through generations.
Behavioral
Trauma drives behavioral patterns. According to The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), the following behaviors have been linked to trauma: high-risk or self-injurious behaviors; disordered eating; compulsive behaviors; and repression or denial of emotions. This paints a dark picture for trauma survivors, but not all behaviors associated with trauma are negative. SAMHSA states,
“…some individuals find creative, healthy, and industrious ways to manage strong effect generated by trauma, such as through renewed commitment to physical activity or by creating an organization to support survivors of a particular trauma”.
Behaviors are often a sign of deeper emotional and relational functioning. Imagine an iceberg.
Behaviors represent the visible part of the iceberg. The deeper emotional and relational functioning lies under the water. Dysfunctional behaviors offer clues of deeper functioning.
Behavioral patterns may pass through generations because children learn through modeling. For example, a father that copes with trauma through gambling will be more likely to have children who gamble. This pattern is more likely to continue with the father’s grandchildren and so on.
Relational
Relationships change when someone experiences trauma. For example, a trauma survivor might feel vulnerable and confused about what relationships are safe. This might make it hard for them to connect with others, including family members. One of the most important relationships we have is with our parents. Mark Wolynn states,
“When our connection with our parents flows freely, we feel better”.
Trauma changes how parents interact and influence their children. Interactions between a parent and child provide a road map, for the child, for future relationships, personality traits, values, emotional and mental functioning, and much more.
Early interactions between a parent and child leave a deep imprint. This imprint has a profound effect on a child’s future relationships. Children are more likely to repeat relational patterns learned growing up. For children who experienced secure attachment as a child, this can mean a life of meaningful relationships. Others, who did not experience a secure attachment, may discover unhappiness in many relationships throughout life. Without addressing dysfunctional relational patterns, children are likely to pass them down to their future children.
Emotional
The emotional response to trauma is complex and varies for everyone. For example, some survivors feel overwhelming anxiety while others feel helpless. Some people numb emotions and others put up walls. There are no right or wrong ways to emotionally experience trauma. Healing from trauma can be difficult and painful. Some people never find a way to resolve the trauma in their life.
Several studies found unresolved emotions about trauma impact future family members. Phoebe Garnsworthy, an author, states,
“When we heal ourselves, we heal the generation that follows. Pain is passed through the family line until someone is ready to feel it, heal it, and let it go”.
If you live with intergenerational trauma, it is up to you to change the generational narrative that your family carries.
Then instead of passing down pain, you will pass down healing.
Final Note
Intergenerational trauma is a large topic and newer in the field of psychotherapy. If you would like to learn more, read this article entitled How Trauma Is Carried Across Generations by Molly S. Castelloe Ph.D.
In my follow up article, I will provide tips to explore the intergenerational patterns that exist within your life. In the meantime, get curious.
Explore what makes your family unique and ask questions about past traumas.
Soon enough, you will find yourself on a road to discovering the hidden truths of the intergenerational transmission of physical, behavioral, relational, and emotional factors in your life.
