What to do when you get lost in “The Anxiety Stare”
Have you ever caught yourself staring off into the distance?
And later you realized it was because your mind was overloaded?
And you were anxiously turning over every little thing you had to do in your busy life?
I have.
I call it “The Anxiety Stare.”
What is The Anxiety Stare?
Sometimes, a picture is more helpful than words. This is what I’m talking about:
Look familiar?
The Anxiety Stare can happen at any time, in any location.
It can happen when you’re in a meeting or when you’re sitting on your couch watching TV. It can even happen when you’re hanging out with your friends.
Anxiety doesn’t doesn’t show up when it’s convenient.
It pops into your life on its own terms — not yours.
Anxiety is the friend that won’t give you enough space.
Even worse, anxiety is the friend that moves into your house without asking — and stays for three years instead of three days.
For me, The Anxiety Stare happens when I’m overwhelmed. I may not realize that I’m overwhelmed, but my brain does.
It knows that there is too much stuff swimming in there.
So it disconnects for a bit and makes me do The Anxiety Stare.
I’m supposed to be doing something productive, but my brain wants to check out.
I’m supposed to be present in a conversation, but my brain decides to time-travel into the future.
Sometimes I catch myself picking or scratching my skin while I’m doing The Anxiety Stare.
Sometimes I catch myself with my mouth half-open, like I’m drooling over a gourmet meal about to be served.
But it’s just The Anxiety Stare.
Why are you getting lost in The Anxiety Stare?
You could be getting lost in The Anxiety Stare because, like me, you have too much going on and your brain can’t handle it all.
Or, you could be getting lost because you don’t have a good way of keeping track of everything you need to do.
Without a system in place to file away your responsibilities, your brain tries to organize them all as a sticky blob of worry.
You could also be getting lost because The Anxiety Stare has become a repetitive behavior. It happens often enough that it eventually becomes automatic.
Whatever the reason, what’s obvious is that it’s not convenient to stare off into space when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
So what do you do about it?
What to do when you’re lost in The Anxiety Stare
Here’s what I do.
It may not work for you, but it has decreased the amount of time I spend in The Anxiety Stare.
1. First, find a way to develop your self-awareness.
Before you can snap yourself out of The Anxiety Stare, you need to know that you’re doing it in the first place.
And that means you need to develop self-awareness.
One way to do this is to practice mindfulness meditation.
It’s a form of meditation that focuses on becoming more mindful of your body’s experience in the present moment.
When you develop self-awareness, you start to realize when you’re “not there.”
You start to notice when you’re lost in your thoughts.
Or lost in The Anxiety Stare.
2. Distract yourself.
This is a neat trick. Once you catch yourself staring off into space, immediately start doing something else.
It’s better if it’s unrelated. If you have a pen or pencil, start scribbling on a piece of paper.
If you’re at home, this might be a good time to do a chore that you’ve been dreading.
You’re probably thinking, Why would I want to do that?
Well, it’s not like you were doing anything else — you were caught in The Anxiety Stare.
But don’t beat yourself up about it. Just move on to something else.
Which leads me to my third point.
3. Get moving!
We now have evidence that moving the body changes the brain.
When you move around, especially when you exercise, there’s a physiological change that takes place in your body and mind.
When you’re lost in The Anxiety Stare, you’re stuck.
Moving around can get you unstuck.
4. Write down what’s bothering you.
This goes along with the second point.
The Anxiety Stare is your body’s way of coping with information overload.
I’ve had a lot of success with writing down what is currently on my overloaded mind.
What tends to happen is that, once it’s on paper, I realize it’s not as bad as I thought it was.
It was when it was swimming through my head that it seemed like a waterfall. On paper, it looks more like a gentle stream.
The University of Rochester has this helpful guide for how writing helps you manage your mental health.
Lifestyle-design expert Tim Ferriss calls it “fear-setting,” the “most valuable exercise” he does every month.
I call it escaping The Anxiety Stare.
5. Smile.
I know, I know. You were looking for “serious tips.”
Well, this is serious.
Just like moving around can change your body and mind — so can smiling.
It doesn’t matter if it “sounds good” or not. What matters is that it works.
And tricking your brain into feeling a different way works.
Your emotions and thoughts are linked to your actions. So when you act as if you don’t have “a care in the world,” your brain thinks that’s the way it is.
Now, this isn’t a long-term fix.
If you walk around all day grinning like a fool, people might start to get suspicious.
So mix it up. Try out these strategies and figure out what works best for you.
The best strategy for you is the one that works.
It sounds obvious, but it’s true.
So let me know how it works out for you.
Remember, The Anxiety Stare is your body’s natural way of coping with the stressful life that you lead.
What is important to remember is that you’re not alone. Staring off into space doesn’t make you weird — it makes you human.
And like any human with hopes and dreams, you have it within you to break the pattern — so that you can get out of The Anxiety Stare and get back to living your life.
Thank you for reading. If you liked this one, I think you’ll like these as well.
