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When HELP Is a Four-Letter Word
We see the suffering, but when we reach out, we are rejected.
My 18-month-old granddaughter has elevated feeding herself to an Olympic event. My daughter wants to encourage the baby’s striving for independence, but at the end of a meal, the child’s highchair looks like a bomb went off.
Luisa’s face and clothes look like half the contents of the refrigerator have been poured out on her. She clearly enjoys two aspects of this exercise. She loves food and will eat anything put in front of her.
The delight also comes from nothing to do with food itself. It is in the beginnings of personal mastery- the “I did it myself!” phase.
For the rest of her life, she will use this as a yardstick for her feelings of competence and self-esteem. Never mind that she makes a huge mess, may require a bath or change of clothes, and at the very least requires a lot of cleanup.
Emerging feelings of individual mastery are often tied to doing it alone. Very little children are already hooked on NO HELP being preferable to HELP.
Most of us build on this platform as we develop. We try to be independent and are often rewarded for it. But some situations in our lives may not cooperate with our goals.
