Why I Didn’t Think I Was Being Abused And Why I Stayed
Gaslighting left me confused, without evidence, and spellbound
This piece incorporates reflections of abuse and may be a trigger. Proceed with care.
I thought that real abuse would never become a part of my personal story.
I was too intelligent, too religious, too enlightened, and too strong. Surely, I would never be like the poor souls who fumble into harmful relationships. That could never happen to me. But it did.
Like many people, I felt confused why anyone ever stayed with an abuser. I incorrectly assumed it was a simple choice to make, with full awareness.
I was raised in a society that downplays and undermines verbal and mental abuse. It only counts if he hit you. I thought that proof of torment was required to claim behavior as “abusive.”
As I navigate the aftermath with complex-PTSD and anxiety, I am here to say that mental abuse does matter. Psychological warfare is damaging and debilitating.
Physical evidence is not a mandatory box on a checklist to validate abuse. And in my experience, verbal abuse was used to reshape the physical abuse I endured to “not count,” a magical erasing act.
